Do We Really Fall in Love ... Kabbalistically?

Do we really fall in love? Or do we fall into infatuation?

Certainly the movies suggest we do – and there is no doubt that we can see freworks when we meet some people.

But is that really what love is?

Our views of love have a long history. Ideas of beauty, passion and love have been handed down to us and become part of the vocabulary of our thought.

So I would like to take you back to an idea that was part of what founded Western society.

Religious or not, I think we agree the Bible has shaped our ideas.

The word for love is “Ahava.” In Jewish mysticism, each letter of a Hebrew word in biblical text defines its essential inner nature.

In the Bible after all, words created the universe. “G-d said … and it was so.”

The root of Ahava is Hava, meaning to offer or to give. It also is related to the root Ahav, meaning to nurture, or to devote yourself completely to another person.

As you can see, the idea behind love is action and not emotion. True love then, does not happen to us at all. Rather, we create love by acting for and giving to others.

Let’s take this further. The Hebrew word for “giving,” it is “Natan.”

Remember, in Kabbalah, the letters of words have spiritual significance (Kabbalah believes there is a spark of the divine in everything, including you).

Natan in Hebrew and in English is the same forwards and backwards. The secret of giving is that giving is a circle. What goes forward, comes back –as you give so do you receive.

Lets think how this works in love. If we look out to care for others lovingly, while also keeping an eye on yourself, so that you can better improve and better serve your beloved, then that love and service will return.

Of course, at times life gets too us and in moments of frustration we may fall out of love.

I once heard Anthony Robbins suggest that a woman be one hundred committed to her mate. He argued that he would respond to her obvious care. However, if she continued worrying about falling out of love, and was not committed, he would sense it and the relationship would falter.

Besides, quibbled Robbins, if he didn’t respond to her then by becoming a better person she would attract a person who would respect her.

That advice can sound a bit cliché; however, it is behind the essence of ahava or love.

Ahava is not giving out of fear, submission, or being afraid of losing love. It comes from seeing your own value and offering it to the world and your family.

Rather than being a victim of fleeting emotion, a real lover, creates love. They take responsibility for the pleasure of their spouse, and for themselves. This encourages the spouse to give with equal force, building on a foundation of mutual respect.

Have you ever done something just for your lover, with no thought of return. Remember there is a vast difference between a gift and a present.

Do you know what the most common returned gift is after the silly season? Lingerie. You might ask if the guy was thinking of his girl or himself.

As Kabbalah explains, what we often call love is really our ego demanding satisfaction.

We have all heard of the law of reciprocity:  “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”

So can you “love others as you love yourself?”

Compare that with a mother’s love for her child. A mother will do anything for her child, yet it does not reduce her love for her husband. If it does, then is it really love or is it fear based attachment?

If we view true love is an action and a giving, and not just as satisfying our needs of touch and nurture, then the act of loving can take on a greater, spiritual; purpose.

Kabbalah believes that the divine spark within us is revealed when we give beyond ourselves to a greater purpose.

“You give up freedom when you become a couple, but what you gain is holiness, a spiritual union – is of much greater value” wrote Rabbi Alllen Maller, author of G-d, Sex and Kabbalah.

By satisfying your spouse’s deepest desires the gift of sexuality is elevated to the sacred. Your body is a temple and the bedroom the homes Holy of holies where you can rise from the bed to the heavens, he said.

The Kabbalistic, Taoist and Tantric traditions teach that we are all connected. In Kabbalah we are one collective man.

In Kabbalah the greatest pleasure comes from each spouse helping fulfill their partners spiritual path. Love is the unifying law of nature that transcends all which brings is closer to that divne unity when we show love selflessly from the from the depths of our soul.

Of course, there are different levels of love, as there are different types of relationship. However, for the fire of passion to flame endlessly, it must be built on the solid respect and depth of the cooler more predictable love of friendship.

When we show true love, ahava, when we give devotedly, then we earn both the respect of our mate and the self respect of accomplishing a great spiritual union of two souls fulfilling their greater purpose.

We do not fall in love – we create love.