“You must take full personal responsibility.
You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind,
but you can change yourself”
- Jim Rohn
It sounds counterintuitive. However, to enjoy deep and true intimacy you must be responsible for your feelings.
At first blush, this sounds almost selfish. Being responsible for your feelings does not mean laying back and greedily lapping up all the sensual delights you can as your lover does all the hard work as if she doesn’t matter.
Men particularly fins feelings hard. For thousands of years, he has waged the battles, labored hard in the field often by ignoring his pain.
Somehow feelings have become something we have become separated from.
However, love is made. It is not an accident.
If you love someone you are at least in that moment an equal. Even if in public life, you have a different social position, in intimacy no level of competition exits.
For you to value your partner’s feelings you must also value your own. Your value must be based on a real appreciation of who you are, what you stand for and you’re right to experience the delights of pleasure.
Sensing your delight, your partner will in turn respond, knowing she pleases you. Similarly, you respond to her excitement.
In Tantric sex, you are constantly growing to new levels of spiritual, emotional and personal fulfillment. However, this is achieved by fully experiencing the present.
Being absorbed in the moment your intuitive senses develop and every action becomes part of a pleasure enhancing dance.
Awakening the significance of every day you develop emotional, spiritual and physical reality. No more will each day seem to run mindlessly into the next. Each step becomes part of the moment and your deepest purpose.
This type of intimacy with life requires that you “share your thoughts, your feelings, your body and your desires with warmth and respect for each other” wrote Love and Relationship Coach Sanda Dawson.
“”What blocks intimacy, turns out to be lack of love for your self.”
How can you love another if you do not love your self. We can only perceive things that our experience can in some way relate to. If we associate pleasure with rejection or hurt, then we restrict our ability to feel.
Once we are fully committed to our own pleasure our Reticular Activating System will allow us to experience a different world.
This is why we must learn to listen to our inner voice. By listening we can begin to ask probing questions and reveal my past hurts they no longer control me.
Then I can see you as you are and not as I defensively want you to be. I am not making myself a superior trying to change you. Nor am I fearfully afraid to express my desires and opinions.
By responsible for my feelings I can merge my soul with you and not feel that I have lost my power. I can give myself to you and be fully empowered.
Unhealed wounds have a tendency to fester. Withheld they grow into anger and distance. Intimacy is pushed away and your past will flare up at a moment’s notice.
Once you identify the triggers to your shadow self, it can be owned and the depth of your soul revealed. You become fully human or mature.
This is especially true in communication.
If I am responsible for my feelings then I won’t take the mistakes of my lover personally.
Rather with respect I analyze why I feel the way I do – ‘Do I have a past hang up interfering with our sharing?’ – allowing me to value our differences and build upon the experience.
The challenges of life then add strength to our growing love and appreciation. It is when your partner knows in the depth of her soul how much you truly love her that you can deal with life’s hurts.
The truth is, you deserve unconditional love and so does your lover. When you realize your right to unconditional love, then you are drawn to and create that type of love.
Then of course there are the conditional realities of life.
“You can love all human beings unconditionally, but you cannot live with anyone” wrote Sandra Dawson. “You need to find someone who has enough in common with you, so you can live a harmonious and fulfilling life together.”
While sexual lust, may at first conquer all differences, lasting and truly fulfilling love comes from a deep spiritual, intellectual and emotional connection. Mutually strengthening each other toward our spiritual purpose draws lovers together.
As Jim Rohn said, “You must take full personal responsibility.”
When we take responsibility for how we feel, and how we experience life, the world blossoms with delights of success, fulfillment and joy.
Particularly in love, when we are fully committed to make love a success, we don’t fall in love. We make love. Love is not an accident.
