I Really Hate Dating

I Hate Dating

All those star eyed love birds will be gushing romance on Valentines Day.

This dating tripe is such a sham.

No wonder people claim their number one fear is isolation – loneliness.

This stuff sucks. It’s OK if you’re close. But hey, you barely know each other. What happened to the days when people did things in groups and we just had fun?

Stuck across from a stranger, it seems like your being interrogated for a job interview and not a fun evening. You’re out to impress – same as an interview – but unlike an interview there is no structure.

What do you say next?

Look, no one likes rejection. I’m no exception.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love romance. I’m really into gushy movies and love beautiful poetry. There is something inspirational in yearning for two souls to become one.

Perhaps, I relate to my friend Natalie. She knocked back every guy who asked to take her out for three months. She’s not stuck up, just a little quiet, introspective. She’s the feely arty type with an artistic dress sense that that is really cute. According to the guys – REALLY cute.

She didn’t even take them up for just one date – not even to get a free meal.

See, she’d been dating this guy she was really into. She told me she still dreams of the day they first met.

After going out several times he stopped calling. When they did bump into each other he admitted he was thinking of doing steady, but he said she had pulled away as he put her arm around her and so though she wasn’t in to him.

How wrong he was.

Is this the price of believing in a soul mate?

Personally, I believe there is a special someone for everyone. It should be fun. It should be the time of your life.

So why do we go through this sham, with its inflated feel good message of finding Mr. right?

Maybe its about time we throw the expensive nights out and just enjoy ourselves.. Probably the best dates are with a guy trading jokes about favorite TV shows or some shared hobby.

After all, we do everything for two reasons: fear and fun, or pain and pleasure.

Sure, when we are having fun you can pick up guys – but I want a real guy. One that will hang around long after the first night.

Perhaps that’s why we turn dating into such a morbid interview. I suppose for us girls – even with contraception there is a risk of 20 years hard labor.

Then there’s that sense of competition. The fantasy of the prom Queen hooking up with the captain of the football team has really turned dating into a bitchy competition.

You can meet a nice guy without other girls taking notes and telling you can do better.

How do they know what I want in a guy? I am worth the guy I choose. Not who other say I should date.

I suppose in the early stages, most guys are checking out others, until they find someone they relate to. It almost sounds like you’re sitting on a shelf in a supermarket.

Doll yourself up. Pucker up the lipstick. If it’s not bright enough, you might just get pass over. Sure, I don’t get hung up over it.

It would just be nicer to meet a great guy who sees me and not just my bra size.

Family don’t help either. There was my aunt Cecilia – as soon as my sister Shifra wanted to get hitched she and her hordes of do-gooders were all for turning her into a breeding machine. All the others said he wasn’t good enough. You can’t win.

Then of course, there that situation Natalie had.

You get your hopes up with some guy.  The anticipation is torture. Every day you hope he will call. It is as if life suddenly stands still. You want to get on with life – you have work, bills to pay, things to do – still in everything you do he is haunting your thoughts with what if?

Maybe he doesn’t like me after all. I know that researchers say the first part of love is really lust – driven by hormones and illusion. That’s why its so hard to find the right guy who will still be there when the excitement dies down and the comfort inducing, protective oxytocin takes over.

I once heard John Demartini, the success guru, describe a girl who couldn’t get this guy to commit. What was interesting was when he was able to show her that she had so much to offer that she didn’t need to feel clingy the guy went out and proposed.

That very afternoon.

When you really believe in your worth then any guy who doesn’t hang around isn’t worth the trouble. So either way you win.

I think we all know that’s true – in our heads anyway. It’s pretty hard to believe it when it seems half the guys only want to get in your pants.

There is all those games that the dating gurus teach to manipulate you into the bedroom.

As I understand it, these methods are for one thing – and a long term relationship is not part of the system.

So how are you suppose to know if the guy is not just able to read your signals well.? One guy told me its no different to perfume. He sais scent claimed that scent is one of the most powerful  aphrodisiacs. If I wear perfume, then he boldly declared I’m fair game to be manipulated.

While, I agree that if I want an honest guy, then I have to be honest and act with integrity. If I value myself not to fall for the tricks, ten Mr. Right will appreciate it.

But that’s work. I already have a full time job. I have a house to clean, meals to cook. I realize that anything that’s important – and the right man IS important – will take effort.

It just seems the effort is turning into a marathon. It’s exhausting. It sometimes seems that would be easier to simply to take the next guy that comes along. We could have a bit of fun, even if it fell through.

Its no wonder then first dates turn into job descriptions. We judge ourselves – did I say the right thing, was I dress the right way – we judge the guy

It’s that pleasure or pain equation again. If you don’t enjoy the pleasure of the chase, then you drift into the fear of rejection.

There are some great things about dating, for sure. Different restaurants, finding hobbies and activities you enjoy together.

It is good to remember those things – and yes we have to compromise on something’s.

But I’m not going to compromise my values for anyone. I don’t mean I refuse to change. Life is constant change.

However, there are some values that are me. Those things will not bend – not for  love, work, or religion. If he is theright guy for me, he will respect me for who I am and what I stand for. A guy has values and respects others is the type of guy I will give my total devotion and admiration.

Then perhaps there is that one hang up of my own.

Is this the real issue?

I like my space. It’s good to know I can do what I want. Waking up besides a guy for the rest of my life seems so restrictive. You end up with the same bad breath, or bare foot  and pregnant.

Yeah, I know women can make it better now than in the past. Yet even with shared housework, the girl still ends up getting behind in a career and losing out in her career.

If you pack it all in for housework and babies aren’t you just a legalized prostitute?.

In dating there are different levels of commitment. Getting to know  a guy need not mean a life time commitment. You can go out and meet whowever you want and just have fun.

Except everyone wants you to settle down before you have time to carch your breath.

Is dating really worth all that hassle?

Do you agree? Then share your thoguts and tell me why you really hate dating.

If you agree go and share a winge with Leane on the Facebook group I Really Hate Dating.