As Valentine’s Day approaches, know one thing: If you give her a dud gift – or even worse – no gift at all you’re dead.
Yes you may think Valentines is commercial hype – she may even have told you not to get her anything, However, women enjoy the knowing that there lover values them by the attention and thought behind gift giving.
So what is the perfect gift?
Sometimes it seems that guys are at a gift giving disadvantage. While women enjoy the social latitude to experience the child within men are told to grow up fast – to be tough.
So they hide their feelings when perhaps inside they are screaming to express their emotions. If they do they confuse girls who at once want a sentimental guy but are attracted to his string reserve.
Out of touch with his feeling he may believe her when she says he doesn’t want anything, or assume she wants the same thing he does.
Of course, he soon learns that is wrong as he sadly pouts when you didn’t get her what she wants.
Of course, there is nothing right or wrong about this. Men are supposed to be tough. For guys it can be confusing that his girl friend said she didn’t want him to buy her finds himself in the dog box following her birthday.
The childlike desire in women is both confusing and adorable. It is an enigma that both scares and confuses guys.
The Power of gifts
Gifts, like true love, express something that is far deeper than wrapping paper. They express a bond of intimacy that sadly many men have become detached from.
While a child enjoys a gift purely for the pleasure of receiving it, a woman enjoys a gift because of its symbolic value. It implies that she is valued because he spent time and effort to find the perfect gift.
If it were just about money you could give her an unlimited credit card or a gift voucher. However, a gift shows that she is appreciated and valued. It also a way for a girl to broadcast to her friends how much she us cared for.
If she feels you are emotionally distant from you, a gift another girl receives becomes vitally important, and the hurt is unbearable.
There is both biological and historical forces behind this. Men sense that women are more sexually selective, and so a sexual relationship implies to a man that he is valued by his lover.
However, women are taught that men will jump into bed with anything, This suggests that a sexual relationship does not in itself show she is valued. While the man may feel his interest proves his devotion, the woman may not be so sure.
After all, what stops him from moving to a younger prettier model as the years pass?
In business, when a manager is places a weekly progress report he must be able to sa what he has finished or accomplished that week. Even if he has one huge project under way, he must demonstrate successful steps.
Place a report in that states nothing to report or job in progress and you expect to be downsized.
In a sense, gift giving is similar. Guy often have the idea, well I did that one, huge, time consuming job for you, or I bought you that special gift. Surely, I can live gift free for a while.
Or there are the other insecure guys, who sheepishly buy something so often the girl womders if he has any real value of himself.
However, a huge one off gift , while special, cannot make for the symbolic value of regular tokens of affection. Like a business progress report, a relationships progress needs to be regularly affirmed.
A relationship, like a business, is growing or dying and your women needs to sense that growth.
Fathers are often valued on whether their sons success, if he has wealth he is an eligible bachelor for many years.
Girls can enjoy the attentions of many young men but hit around twenty five and they may feel the pressure of these same young men chasing younger girls.
True, the increasing economic power has shifted mens perceived value of woman as economic contributors, and people are settling down but holding off children and marriage until later.
However, both young men and women are expected to progress, A young woman may be measured by parents and peers alike by the type of men she attracts. So marrying a man who has value, whether financial, political or even religious can be of great stock to a families self worth.
This can place a girl under pressure to prove how special her lover is – and how valuable As her family may be anxious for her welfare. As a result gifts are an important demonstration that her man is indeed special to family and friends.
Especially, if to defend her right to love a man, she has exaggerated his virtues.
Just as a forensic accountant assess the values of the books, talk is cheap if not measured by actual tangible results.
Although women have increased economic power, social values are a result of past and present values. Girls are often pressured to become mothers, she feels her man must be able to support his family. Money and gifts assure a family he can provide. No wonder some women buy themselves gifts and telling family they were bought by her husband.
So while it is true that it is the thought that counts, that thought is measured by the amount of attention, effort and care in the gift. This can be in monetary terms or in the time, effort and creativity placed in the gift.
It does not mean you can tell a girl you thought about buying her a gift and decided against it.
The gift is required –and it s success as a gift is measured by the intention and thought behind it.
Meanwhile guys feel overwhelmed by the endless possibilities of items that don’t seem, to do anything.
That’s the point.
The power of flowers is that they are impractical, temporary, even useless. They are not an investment. But that’s precisely their power. You buy them for no reason other than because your wife likes them. You do it just for her.
Their value is simply because she likes them. They are romantic because they are simply for her and you thought about her.
This is why a gift creatively designed for her is so valuable even if it cost little.
However, a gift certificate is not enough. It can never replace the effort off having chosen the special gift yourself. The symbolism behind the gift cannot be measured by money alone.
This is the power of intention. Buy her a special art work, or a select ring and she will delight in showing it to the girls. Dump a money order and you’ll have cut her heart.
If she told you exactly what to buy where would be the effort in it?
Your job is to listen to her and read the cues. If you truly love her, she reasons, you will really listen to her and will pick up the clues. For her there is a lot riding on how well you understand the message.
While we men have forgotten how to listen to our heart, how our women praises our efforts can be our compass to gift giving success. She is dropping hints for a reason.
If she praises your gift don’t depreciate it with “Don’t worry, it was nothing” or you will shoot yourself in the foot.
Say thankyou, she enjoys thanking you – its part of your gift to her. Let her enjoy it and you will feel glad at heart as well. Make her feel special and she will value you even more.
So avoid the traps that show you don’t value her:
- No gift on special occasions
- Office type gifts that smell of work, or a gift card
- Items associated with traditional female roles or housework.
- Self Help items like exercise equipment or diet books (ESPECIALLY if she needs it)
- Recycled or second hand gifts
- Plug in items that smell like household goods
- Anything that looks you didn’t want to spend over ten dollars
- Or a repeat item – ‘O but you always like scarves ‘ every birthday.
So what works:
Anything that shows you value her simply because of who she is- accessories, artwork, being pampered or massaged, or beautiful experience like a resort or a beach front hotel.
While she is hinting for an engagement ring, any jewelry that she likes demonstrates how you value her. It allows her to show the girls how much you value her.
The dilemma that men face, especially those who feel insecure about their seductive appeal, is how man gifts is too many.
Sadly, some men feel the need to buy a girl with gifts in the hope of some bedroom affection.
If you are insecure in yourself and she sense that a gift is purely a bribe then your gift is nothing but a cheap exchange for favors. Few girls want to think they are paid for sex.
Of course, a gift of appreciation. Perhaps a cite teddy bear may show a girl that you appreciate your night together and that it was special to you.
Giving gifts too often may induce a girl to ask why you are giving her a gift. If you never give gifts and do so suddenly she may ask what are you feeling guilty about. (did you ever see the movie ‘sliding Doors’?)
A gift is special and valuable not because it is coerced or an attempt to beg for sex.
A genuine gift has power because it demonstrates the depth of you affection and connection. It shows you value her for who she is.
It shows you show genuine interest takes time and is really appreciated. If you have to go out of your way to find that handbag that she has hinted at all the better.
Although , you lose points if you bring up how much effort to made. If she want s every little detail then let her delight in the full story. Let her delight in yourself sacrificing struggle to make her feel treasured. Her pleasure comes from praising you for the effort you made.
She may want to know every detail. Don’t belittle the effort tough – remember, her pleasure comes from being able to thank you – and that will pleasure you as well.
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