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According to MRI evidence there are three brain centers triggered by romantic love. Love is not an emotion according to researcher Helen Fisher, but a craving, just like craving for chocolate. It is part of our neurological makeup.
However, love has its phases. At first, lust drive phases referred to by Fisher, fueled by Phenethylamine, intense longing and romance drives our need to curiously explore our lover.
Then more and more oxytocin encourages a cuddling, snuggling security. All things good for a long term relationship.
Evolutionary psychology highlights the first stage of attraction and the need to reawaken passion in long term love. While, women also experience the unconscious pull of lust, they are culturally conscious of the need for long term familial security.
Is this an evolutionary survival tactic or a divinely beautiful gift?
Evolutionary psychology argues that since humans experience does not like being viewed as breeding machines, biology has conspired to repackage reproduction in the seductive dressings of moonlight evenings and passionate romance.
Give a young lady candles and roses and she feels special and that candle lit dinner becomes a biological trick that gives meaning to survival. She becomes pregnant and natures work is done.
Kabbalah recognizes that there are primal forces and laws beneath our perception. It does not deny the biological needs we experience.
Rather, these are seen as part of a teleological greater goal to experience our divine purpose.
Now to be fair, the kabbalah is not a sex manual. What I am alludingto is more a psychological model inspired by the divine qualities that our emotional is a poor reflection.
It is important to ask if our emotions are manifestations of organic forces propelling us like characters is a computer game. Or, as Kabbalah believes they are expressions of these forces are repeated in world beyond our experience.
Uunlike the computer world, we also have a separate ability to chose and experience.
If, like some computer literate angel, I manipulate a world below, I cannot know what it is like to be the character that is killed by the hero, or the hero as he achieves victory.
If you could see the world from the characters perspective he would not believe he is a 5 minute digital clip. Rather, he would imagine himself as a twenty five year old who has been at battle perhaps for years. His sense of time and reality does not march mine.
What if you could both understand those biological forces as well as experience the view point of the character? What if, instead of viewing sexual behavior like a biological program, we are forced to face life’s paradoxes and be empowered by the differences between the sexes?
Human life is a love affair between the soul and G-d. The spark of G-d in all creation yearns to reunite with the creator. Like lovers driven to distraction who may act in ways that can even harm their love, man’s search for meaning has often crossed the bounds of sanity.
These patterns are believed to repeat in all levels of creation – including the emotional realm. True love transcends our neurological drive and ego. Rather than deny these desires they are cultivated and elevated to a spiritual level.
The universal forces, or manifestations of divine light, are described in as masculine and feminine. The spiritual root behind these laws each balances the giving and receiving pleasure that drive sexual creativity of human behavior, literature, art, society and relationships.
Sex drives our species existence, how we communicate, our aspirations, desires and how we give and receive pleasure. The greatest pleasure includes the act of giving and more sensitively attuning to our partners spiritual growth.
Because our human experience allows us the possibility of choosing actions, we yearn for more than just satisfying a sexual itch. We yearn to experience a greater meaning in life.
So while biology describes sex as reproductive, Kabbalah describes sexual attraction as driven by a completely different force: the search for our divine image, our quintessential self.
Humanity is seen as one entity that is a singularity of male and female forces. This is metaphorically described in Genesis chapter 1, where “G-d created man, male and female he created them.’ Later, in chapter two, Eve is seen distinct and separate from Adam.
They were once one divine being, and in Kabbalah it is taught that your Soulmate was separated from you, to find again here on this earthly realm. Hence, we have two energies yearning to be made whole.
Long before modern psychology, Kabbalah recognized that male and female energies exist within us. Even G-d is said to have a feminine energy, or shechinah, a feminine dimension of godliness.
Sexual union is part of mans search to be part of a larger whole, seeking an even greater reality.A loving couple are completing the divine image in which we were created and reproduction is a byproduct of this. This recreation of the divine image empowers the creation of new life.
Hence, sexuality and marriage are holy and divine experience. This is why in Jewish law, the marital religious practices apply even when children are not possible.
In Kabbalah, love is fostered by mutual spiritual giving and commitment. This is greater than mutual attraction or chemistry. Rather, mutually spiritual satisfaction results in a deep spiritual oneness that enhances emotional and sexual satisfaction.
In Shakespeare’s play, Juliet explains “I look to like if looking liking move.” In love, we must do the same, other wise familiarity degenerates into lack of respect.
A Kabbalist looks to like and find the good in life and embrace life’s contradictions. He believes that everything is ultimately good you must accept life’s contradictions to see it.
In the same way, total acceptance of our partner makes it possible to help our partners grow. We are not blind to their faults, we just chose to work with them and enhance our partner’s strengths and inspire them by working on ourselves. By the reflection of ourselves reacting to our environment our family and lover we become develop greater unity.
It is the intention behind our actions that elevates our physical desires to greater more fulfilling pleasure.
While, we enjoy the satiation of our lust, we can achieve even greater pleasure when we hold ack our own pleasure and see our lover in ecstacy. This is a principle behind Tantric and Taoist sexuality that teaches us to enjoy the greater sexual delight in pleasing our lover with longer sensual lovemaking.
We begin to realize that there is greater pleasure in altruistically serving our lovers pleasure. We are responsible for our own pleasure, and by being sensitive to our own bodies we can channel our increased delight to please our lover.
We at once take charge of our own pleasure and hold it back to give more and in turn receive a greater sensual investment.
It is because pleasures reward is measured by its perceived value, that Kabbalah can help us to learn to experience not just our own reality, but be sensitive to our lovers reality as well.
However, Kabbalah claims our ability to perceive the divine forces behind reality is influenced by experience, individually, culturally and historically. These give us the metaphors that allow us to explain reality.
So while biology may excite passion which in both men and women, a woman is both attracted unconsciously to by her desire and as a relationship becomes established her concern for long term family security is effected by the values of her society and peers.
As men’s value is historically measured externally, his value may outlast his physical prowess. He may learn for the social latitude given women to enjoy the child within, but he knows his value by a potential mate and society comes from his external influence.
While, the increasing economic power of women has shifted how men value a future bride, a woman may enjoy many suitor’s and suddenly find she is replaced by a younger, competitor if she does not settle down in her prime.
The physical and emotional costs of motherhood cause parents and friends to measure a mans worth on how well he can provide. In the office, a man may be compared by how valuable a gift is. At the same time, other women may judge a less favorably if she appears to be more sexually available,
It is not just the value of the gift that counts, it is the effort and thought that shows a man is genuinely caring. A gift card is less impressive than a thoughtfully designed or carefully chosen item. It shows that he has carefully listened to the man hints she had s given about what she wants.
Chances are she hasn’t stated what she wants directly since that would only show the value of his wallet. It would not prove that he cared enough to find out.
Of course, by becoming sensitive to both our masculine and feminine sides, a man begins to realize that his wife needs the value implied by his carefully listening to her and discerning what she wants in a gift.
The woman in turn realizes that she may need to apply the kabblistic quality of gevurah, loosely translated victory, and be more directive in some communication or less sensitive when he doesn’t quiet ‘get it.’
The subtle differences should be enjoyed and caressed lovingly. How often has a woman delighted in finding out about the extensive effort her lover took to satisfy her desire for an elusive hard to buy handbag?
This is why flowers are so special, they are impractical, temporary, even useless. They are not an investment. Their power comes from no other reason than because your lover likes likes them.
You bought them just for her. She is special. You do it just for her. Contrast that with lingeries – who is hoping for pleasure when he gives her that slinky outfit? No wonder, it is the most returned gift after new years.
These contradictions of the sexes empower love. They reflect different attributes of the spectrum of divine love.
Electricity seeks the shortest route. However, it power am engine because of facing resistance. the shortest route and often miss the greatest passion achieved through restraint.
Unrestrained, electricity short circuits. Constrained by wires, electricity can face a resistance and achieve results.
In the same way, where there are no limits, passion burns out. The challenges of love heighten by mystery.
While Tantra and Kabbalah have differing, in some respects, contradictory world views. Thet both dismiss selfishness as the drive behind sexual pleasure.
For example, in the realm of sexuality, Tantra enhances passion by lengthening and feeding on pleasure to an almost spiritual ecstasy. In contrast, Western society promotes instant gratification where nudity is so common place that the mystery of love is lost.
However, when a couple seek to fulfill each others deepest purpose, to feed their partners soul, each is propelled to greater heights.
Where a man may seek to feel complete by expanding his realm, the feminine world accommodates and includes.
A man is empowered to conquer with the loving support of his wife, and she enjoys the security to nurture her own realm. From this security, he can reach into himself to seek nurture and she can enjoy the support that allows her to conquer.
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