With Valentine’s Day bearing down upon us with media driven frenzy, images of Valentine’s Days past are brawnded in my memory.
The first had all the unmatched intensity that only first love. That unimaginable excitement, that should last forever. There was a passion that leaves you breathless.
Strawberries Romanov, Escargot flambé, and other delights served with a very attentive French chef.
I felt like a kid left alone in a lollee shop.
Then there was last year. The business world had collapsed, the economy had separated me form the woman I love and the Indian Ocean lay between us.
Yet it is that Valentine’s Day, framed in tragedy and loss, that I most treasure.
Transnational phone calls don’t a romantic evening make.
Or do they?
The French meal was beautiful, the romance exciting – and it was all a lie.
Two young people seeking to be made whole by the other do not a long term love create.
Two young people who woke up and asked who it was that they were with.
At Valentines Day there is often pressure to impress when finding love, or to show it -or pressure that you must have that special someone with you on February 14.
If that is not enough, there are those dreaded relationship myths that dooms us to satisfy our own hidden deficiencies n an illusion of our lover.
We think we will die of a broken heart without her. The pain is so intense that it should kill you, that a person who promised they will spend their whole life with you, suddenly says they never liked you.
We tell ourselves that love should make us happy. We convince ourselves that we are incomplete without her, or that we will be perfectly happy when we overcome an obstacle.
Then there are other myths less Valentines related myths to relationship: Have children and he will love you more, if he truly loved me he will understand, in love you just know what the optherthinksso you don’t have to explain things or work on love.
The fact is, we seek a partner who will help us face what Jung called our shadow side.
“Attraction is when your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious – unconscuiously” said psychologist Milton in Sleepless in Seattle. “Fate is to neuroses.”
Well perhaps not the most romantic notion so how can we empower our love?
Can Valentine’s Day build long term love?
Yes. Valentine’s Day is the perfect reminder to be grateful for the lover your with.
Love survives on what we share and build together.
While there is excitement in new love, the greatest truest and most fulfilling love comes from appreciating and enhancing the many beautiful gifts you share.
Rather than seeking to be made happy, you stop ponder on your beautiful shared past and ask how can I do anything in my power to recreate that beauty again.
How can I appreciate her for all that she is? How can I show that I value her for the deep beautiful and kind person she is both to me and humanity?
When we stop and in a few moments of careful refection create that deep felt poem, design that tender card, or reach out with a helping hand then your love can conquer mountains.
This is why last Valentine’s was so special for me. Lacking champagne it was not filed with romantic frills.
It was filled with commitment, dedication and appreciation. It was overflowing with recognition and gratitude for a life and love we both share.
Love isnot happy ever after survivingthe obstacles ofcourtship. Love is meade by commitment.
That is the point of Valentine’s Day. To show that you are truly and deeply thinking of them.
To show, through action, that it is not just the thought that counts, but that you want to show that in your life and thoughts she matters.
