I once read that fMRI studies of men’s brains show that 98% of the cerebral cortex is preoccupied with vivid sexual fantasies.
Actually it’s not true- (don’t believe everything you read in Psychology Today – even shrinks have a sense of humour).
It does beg the question: Are guys after only one thing?
Watch the sex saturated media and you would think so . But is it really so?
Sand, Fisher, Rosen & Julia Heiman, Director of the Kinsey Institute, say we should stop guessing and ask men.
So they did: all 27,839 of them, aged 20 to 75 in an eight country random survey.
The study called Mens’ Attitudes to Life Events and Sexuality was published in Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2008, vol.5, 583-594.
If you didn’t notice, the study spells out MALES. Hhhmmmmm …. Clever …
Reviewing the findings in Psychology Today, Diana Kirschner and found that men are not the shallow bed swapping philanderers of myth.
No the study found that men world over wanted to be seen as seen as a “man of honor.”
“Together with “being in control of your own life” these two attributes accounted for about 60% of the responses” said Kirschner.
Now, that makes me glad as a male that I don’t live in a society where dueling is still popular.
Anyhow, the first two scored far higher than “being physically attractive,” “having success with women,” or “having an active sex life.”
She wrote the book Love in 90 Days and in the paper back she added a chapter Dating Games Men Play.
That chapter lists “16 different problematic male relationship patterns. Despite fears of being vulnerable, of being loved and loving, most men want to be honorable rather than be cads. Only three of the 16 types are rated unworkable for lasting love” she said.
A small percentage of men are caught in what Kirschner calls the Player Deadly Dating Pattern.
Often the ‘hot bad boys’ they “can be enormously infatuating to women because of their smooth romantic alpha behavior. But under that seductive bravado they are usually insecure, have low self esteem and a ‘me-first mentality’”
“These are the men who value conquest over being connected and honorable” she said.
So what do men value most?
MALES asked men to rate the following seven goals in order of importance:
• Being in good health
• Satisfying sex life
• Harmonious family life
• Good relationship with partner/wife
• Enjoying life to the fullest
• Satisfying career or work life
• Having a nice home
“While there was definitely variability in the top answers depending on country, “a satisfying sex life” always came last” said Kirschner. It was tied last with “a nice home”.
Strangely, this result remained the same whether or not a man had erectile dysfunction (ED).
The top three answers were “being in good health”, “a harmonious family life”; and “good relationship with partner/wife.”
The only difference between single vs. married men, was that singles rated “enjoying live to the fullest” in second place along with “a harmonious family life”-while “a good relationship with their partner” was ranked fourth, she said.
(Source: Psychology Today)
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