Better Loving Relationships Part 2

Congratulations.

Most people, never go beyond the first chapter or CD in a program.

Here you are at part 3. If you have not already read parts 1 and 2, I urge you to go back and read

Part 1: Life Love and shared Values

Part 2: Better Loving Relationship Values inventory

Now its time to take action toward making your love life more fulfilling.

So by now, you have three  or four answers to thefollowing twelve questions:

1. How do you mostly fill your space?
2. How do you mostly spend your time?
3. How do you mostly spend your energy?
4. How do you mostly spend your money?
5. Where are you most organized?
6. Where are you most disciplined?
7. What do you mostly think about?
8. What do you visualize mostly
9. What do you mostly talk to yourself about?
10. What do you mostly talk with others about?
11. What do you mostly react to?
12. What are most your goals about?

Perhaps you spent time thinking about the feelings and values that are behind each of these life areas.

You may have an idea about which values matter most to you and even prioritised them. However, this type of emotional analysis can be hard for some people – especially men who may live detached from their feelings.

This is why we examined what is actually happening in your life right now. This is objective and measureable.

Last time we mentioned that our fears are in the spiritual, mental, vocational, financial, familial, social, and physical life areas.

I also asked you to attempt to rank thefeelings and values behind your life patterns from 1 to 7.

The following exercise systemetises this last process more objectively.

1. What you percieve as a lack or void is often where our values are waiing to be filled. The life lessons of these challenges help us fulfil this higher purpose.
2. What we fvalue we tend yto have energy and passion for.

Below is a list of 84 value terms (12 for each of spiritual, mental, vocational, financial, familial, social, and physical life areas.)

This list of value definitions was devised by John Demartini..While I use many values system is one of the best and I encourage you to look into The Demartini Method further.

Step 1

1. Read through the list of 84 value definitions below.

2. Then rank each value for each item from one (most important) to seven (least important) and place your answer in the left column headed Value Rating column in the Relationship Values inventory Part B

It is much easier if you print this pdf file out.

3. It will probably be helpul to have your answers from the Relationship Values inventory Part A besides you as you work through this second work sheet:  the Relationship Values inventory Part B.

Concentrate on the values you rated as a one (the most important)  Which of these values rated a one is demonstrated in the twelve life areas most important to you? Can you see which values influence what you do in life?

“Remember, you generally have space, time, energy, and money for what’s truly important to you” says John Demartini.

3.  Looking at all thevalues you rated a one in all the twelve areas can you now priorise them in the second column. You will have far fewer than 84 values to choose from.

When you decide between two values, which does your life demonstrate that you keep choosing?

When you finish prioritising this list you will have your current heirachy of values.

1. What do you mostly react to?
2. What are most your goals about?

Perhaps you spent time thinking about the feelings and values that are behind wach of these life areas.

You may have an idea which values matter most to you and prioritised them.

That type of emotional analysis can be hard fpor some people – especially men who may live detached from their feelings.

This is why we examined what is actually happening in your life right now. This is objective and measureable.

Last time we mentioned that our fears are in the spiritual, mental, vocational, financial, familial, social, and physical life areas.

I also asked you to attempt to rank thefeelings and values behind your life patterns from 1 to 7.

The following exercise systemetises this last process more objectively..

1. What you percieve as a lack or void is often where our values are waiing to be filled. The life lessons of these challenges help us fulfil this higher purpose.
2. What we fvalue we tend yto have energy and passion for.

Below is a list of 84 value terms (12 for each of spiritual, mental, vocational, financial, familial, social, and physical life areas.)

This list of value definitions was devised by John Demartini. While I use many values system is one of the best and I encourage you to look into The Demartini Method further.

Step 1

1. Read through the list of 84 value definitions below.

2. Then rank each value for each item from one (most important) to seven (least important) and place your answer in the left column headed Value Rating column in the Relationship Values inventory Part B

3. It will probably be helpul to have your answers from the Relationship Values inventory Part A besides you as you work through this second work sheet:  the Relationship Values Inventory Part B.

Concentrate on the values you rated as a one (the most important)  Which of these values rated a one is demonstrated in the twelve life areas most important to you? Can you see which values influence what you do in life?

“Remember, you generally have space, time, energy, and money for what’s truly important to you” says John Demartini.

3. Looking at all thevalues you rated a one in all the twelve areas can you now priorise them in the second column. You will have far fewer than 84 values to choose from.

When you decide between two values, which does your life demonstrate that you keep choosing?

When you finish prioritising this list you will have your current heirachy of values.

	Value Rating 1 – 7	Prioritise your No. 1 values
Spiritual: Connection: experiencing my soul or God Reflection: going inside myself, listening to my inner voice, seeing my inner vision Integrity: knowing and living my higher spiritual values Integrity: having a sense of balance, and inner harmony within myself Discernment: seeing a higher order regardless of the apparent disorder of outer peace and war Inspiration: Feeling a sense of meaningful purpose Identification: living from my spiritually vital core, being more spiritually than materially focused Authenticity: being genuine and truthfully honest with myself Surrender: Modestly submitting or humbling myself to the grand divine design and order 10.  Unity: fitting into nature, feeling part of the whole 11.  Devotion: holding to religious faith and belief 12.  Personal responsibility: Rising above judgment and beyond pardon or forgiveness
Mental: Wisdom: understanding the laws of the universe—a mature understanding of my life Inquisitive curiosity: interested in everything, exploring—loving to read and learn Intelligent thinking: reasoning and analyzing logically Intuition: thinking/feeling spontaneously and instinctively Discernment: making choices and decisions Associating or disassociating: attaching or detaching freely Prioritizing and planning: self-discipline, self-restraint, resistance to temptation Imagination: creative and unique thinking Development: increasing mental acuity 10.  Actualization: awakening my genius within 11.  Broad-minded: open to different ideas and beliefs 12.  Adventure: seeking stimulating experiences, having a mentally exciting life
Vocational: Inspiration: serving a higher purpose or calling Self-direction: choosing my own goals, doing what I love, actualizing my own career dreams Independence: self-reliant, self-sufficient Ambition: high achievement, aspiring and hardworking Leaderships: inspiring others to greater productivity Growth: attracting a greater quality and quantity of clients/customers/attendees/patients Quality: providing greater service to clients Excellence: mastering the skills of my profession, pursuing excellence, being #1 Accountability: embracing consequences for decisions and actions 10.  Competence: being more capable, efficient, and effective in my business 11.  Professionalism: adhering to behavioral and appearance guidelines 12.  Responsible: obedient, dutiful, meeting obligations, dependable, reliable
Financial: Perspective: appreciating the importance of money and valuing what it offers humanity Ingenuity: searching for creative ways and means to serve and make money Prudence: making deals, creative financial negotiations, shopping for bargains Balance: maintaining fair exchange, reciprocity, non-indebtedness Security: saving money, investing Development: building self-worth and self-respect Savvy: balancing emotions to more effectively and consistently manage money Acumen: managing, budgeting, or spending money, energy, and resources wisely Growth: building wealth/net worth, amassing a fortune and material possessions 10.  Taking chances: calculating and taking risks, speculating 11.  Protection: preserving wealth 12.  Contribution: philanthropy, charity
Familial: Attention: spending time, connecting, or interacting with family members Fulfillment: setting realistic expectations with relationships; breaking fantasies and myths Clear communication: dissolving judgments and communicating in terms of values Intimacy: mature sharing of love, including sexually Resolution: managing conflict with family of origin or family of choice Caring: meeting the needs of others Providing: creating a quality home/nest for family members Security: safety for loved ones Respect: honoring parents, elders, and others 10.  Inspiring: encouraging children to achieve their own path of full potential 11.  Educating: helping children to expand their opportunities 12.  Adventure: traveling on vacations and exploring with loved ones
Social: Leadership: leading or commanding others toward or to a worthy cause Power: desiring prominence, authority, control, or influence over others and events Recognition: respect, approval by others—maintaining public image Order: initiating transformation—raising socioeconomic standards and stability Contribution: working for the welfare of humankind Equality: equal opportunity for all Belonging: feeling that others care about me Security: protection from self or enemy Justice: upholding ethical and legal principles, righting perceived injustices 10.  Respect: honoring rights to dignity, independence or privacy, polite manners, courtesy 11.  Friendship: shared loyalty to and empathy for friends or group 12.  Tradition: preservation of time-honored customs
Physical: Well-being: maximum wellness Nutrition: maximizing or maintaining adequate and quality eating habits Moderation: integrating extremes of sensation or action Building strength and tone: exercising and stretching muscles Vitality: building endurance and stamina, keeping dynamically active Maintaining beauty/handsome attraction: clean, neat, well presented or dressed and tidy Self-indulgent gratification of physical desires: enjoying food, sex, leisure, etc. Seeking daring adventures: taking risks Esthetics: appreciating the beauty of nature and the arts 10.  Ecology: protecting the environment, preserving nature 11.  Independence: freedom of action, spontaneous action, freedom to travel the world 12.  Variety: a life filled with challenge, novelty, and change

Spend time reflecting on your answers. Discuss them with your partner. What do they value most?

As you go through life your values may change.

Revisit this exercise regularly.

I also recommend you daily review your priority of values list, after you begin your day

Tommorrow we will look at how we can use this infornmation to find love, wealth and happiness by living a life full of passion and commitment.

But try this for the moment:

As you probably discovered, your partner values items low on your list you may feel a void or a sense of frustration.

When you know how to fulfil conflicting or lower values in a way that satisfies your highest priorities,suddenly the feeling of void dissappears. There is no longer a conflict.

Imagine you are stricly business and value saving while your partner enjoys spas, resorts.and entertaining. Could you have your next business function be at a resort and your partner is the life of the party as you focus on business?

Try brainstorming as many ways your values can meet your partners as you can. Suddenly one will gel and you sense an ‘aha’ moment.

So look out for the next article, when we will look at specific ways to mutually meet the values of your lover, your emploer or customer andeven the conflicting values within yourself.

Once learned, together you can journey a life of self discovery where you will constantly find new things about each other. Do that enough and your rewired brain will habitualy seek  opportunities and solutions where once you felt hemmed in by life.

Leave a comment below and let us know how your life iopnes up as you disciover your heirachy of values.