Why are we so depressed, stuck in a rut, without affection and unhappy in love?
Over 60% of adults admit their relationship is poorly lacking and 10% have lost all trust in their partner, reports the dailymail.co.uk.
Why do some replace passion with a steady and deepening affection while most are unhappy in their relationship?
A study of 3,000 couples found the essential ingredients of sex, spontaneity, affection, and romance decrease over time for most couples.
- 40% admitted that they considered leaving their partners.
- Most rated their sex lives as 6 out of 10.
- 25% claim the bedroom is more perfunctory than perfect.
- Over 50% sated their partner was no longer as ‘affectionate and giving’ as when they started dating.
- 50% admitted to being in a relationship rut they didn’t know how to escape.
Spontaneous acts of affection, like cooking a favourite meal or bursting in with a bouquet of flowers are dead and buried for 33% of couples.
‘The sad fact of the matter is that when people first start dating, they go to great lengths to appeal to each other by being sexy, romantic and giving,’ said David Brown of website UKDating.com.
‘Daters will go that extra mile - planning special trips to nice places, showering the object of their affection with gifts, and paying lots of attention to everything their loved one has to say.
‘But once that honeymoon period is over, it is all too easy to start taking each other for granted. Once couples fall in love and settle down, they fall out of the habit of making an effort.’ The survey also revealed
13 per cent of couples no longer want the same things for the future and 19 per cent don’t give each other enough time or attention.
- 46% wished their partner would initiate sex more.
- 45% wanted their partner to be more sexually adventurous.
- 75% complained don’t have near as much sex as compared to the beginning of their relationship.
The good news is that 60% said their partner was kind, 40% still find their partner attractive, and 50% said their partner has a good personality and is humorous. Only 7 per cent admit they don’t fancy each other any more.
‘Although respondents agree that factors such as making each other laugh, trust, honesty and having time for each other are important for a lasting relationship: said Brown. “Great sex is also a really big deal for many.’
TOP 10 RELATIONSHIP GRIPES
1. Lack of spontaneity
2. Lack of romance
3. Terrible sex life
4. No time to give each other attention
5. Lack of time to talk
6. Don’t want the same things for the future
7. Don’t trust each other
8. Lack of affection
9. No longer fancy each other
10. No honesty
Whether we become a better version of ourselves to be able to mate, are genetically designed for short term relationships or relax because the fear of loss lessons, how can you reinvigorate your romantic passion?
Passion doesn’t always fizz out in long-term relationships.
Those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. A 2009 study found they were happier and had higher self esteem.
Companion-like love was only moderately satisfied in both short- and long-term relationships.
“Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love,” said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, Ph.D, then at Stony Brook University.
“It isn’t. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones.”
“Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings,” Acevedo said. “And couples who’ve been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion.”
As another relationship scientist, Shelly Gable, proved scientifically,celebrating life and going all out to trigger the positive thrill of togetherness can combat the ever wearing fatigue of life.
