Why are love songs so sad? Why not celebrate love and make it happy?
Sure, there is a time and place for support in difficult times. Yet over 60% of adults admit their relationship is poorly lacking and 10% have lost all trust in their partner it shows we need a change.
But doesn’t NLP remind us that we can reinforce good and bad feelings? Why not celebrate the good times and enjoy love and life together?
According to a study by psychology professor Shelly Gable not only should we, it’s the strongest predictor of current and future relationship satisfaction.
Gable’s current research focuses on appetitive and aversive motivation in social interaction and close relationships at the from the University of California at Santa Barbara. She is particularly interested in the positive aspects of close relationships and their role in physical and emotional health.
In our society where touch is so regulated and structured the imperceptible flash of electricity
Of an accidental touch is fleeting, yet forceful enough to create warmth” said former airline hostess, Leil Lowndes in How to be a people magnet – Finding Friends—and Lovers—and Keeping Them for Life.”
So why not accidently flirt with the love of your life?
As Victor Borge said “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”
You probably dream of having your breath taken away in the presence of your beloved. So while we may honestly seek a person based on personality, your immediate attraction is biological.
It’s lust – and then later oxytocin slowly makes you all cuddly.
Since, previous research shows Sexually Satisfied Women More Vital what can you do to invite the passions?
Even apes are selective about who they mate with – it’s not ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ for them.
So why can’t we humans make long – and happy – relationships?
Scientists have talked long and hard about the rewards of pleasure and avoiding pain but did little to simultaneously examine the processes how we get a reward like laughter and avoid trouble.
Gables team videotaped the interactions between 79 dating couples.
In turn each partner disclosed a recent positive event and a negative event. They later rated sympathetic their partner had appeared to them. been.
Independently, researchers watched the interactions and rated each person’s social support and also the support they gave for each positive experience, also called “capitalization.”
Each partner rated overall satisfaction with the relationship before the sessions andtwo months later.
Capitalization, and not social support, consistently predicted the strength of a relationship both at the time of the study and eight weeks later, said Gable in Psychological science a report in psychologicalscience.org.
A useful tip since most of us do anything to avoid discovering what fears hold us back. Desides 8 years on a shrinks couch is expensive.
So why not anchor positive reward to our love so we will want their company?
Relationships grow over time as we grow toward our goals and face success and failure.
If we feel success and growth with our partner, rather than a series of disappointments then we feel great about love and life.
Since, pressures are inevitable in life, we need to be sure we do everything to make our love life a haven to return home too.
Flirting can reinforce the positive thrill when your lover enters the room
Thomas Wood helps long term couples keep the spark alive by flirting.
‘Flirtation is a wonderful tool for creating feelings of being noticed and appreciated” he said.
He tells couples to
- Make an effort to lessen the amount of physical distance between you and your partner.
- Make them feel more comfortable with this new proximity through touch
- Plan to be spontaneous
He suggests that every morning, write down one thing you would like to compliment your partner on (eg. their generosity, their cooking, their help around the house, their nice tush, etc.). Then look for any excuse to give that compliment, making your plan to compliment them seem spontaneous.
While, flirting is great, we need more.
We need to celebrate life. Celebrate love. Celebrate YOUR love.
“Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component” said researcher Bianca P. Acevedo in 2009. “Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones.”
It requires energy and devotion and without obsessive fear can supercharge your long term love.
It also requires learning to love yourself.
Culturally we expect to be transformed by our love.
Marriage does not make sad people into part goers. It does force us to see our shadow self and when we learn to love our full self we can better love others.
By celebrating life – your life and your lovers – you have more reason to smile and accept yourself and each other.
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