Passion doesn’t always fizz out in long-term relationships.
“Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love,” said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, Ph.D, then at Stony Brook University (currently at University of California, Santa Barbara).
“It isn’t. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones.”
A meta review of 6,070 individuals in short and long term relationships from 25 studies found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships.
The results were published in the March 2009 issue of Review of General Psychology.
Acevedo and co-researcher Arthur Aron, Ph.D, classified the relationships in each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or friendship-like and long or short term.
Those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. They also reported being happier and having higher self esteem. Companion-like love was only moderately satisfied in both short- and long-term relationships.
Couples who reported more satisfaction in their relationships
Feeling that a partner is “there for you” facilitates feelings of romantic love and is good for the relationship, said Acevedo.
However, “feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship” she said.
“This can manifest into obsessive love.”
Rather than view companionship love as a natural progression of a successful relationship, it may be an unnecessary compromise.
“Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings,” Acevedo said. “And couples who’ve been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion.”
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