In love the whole world seems beautiful¹. In love we see the beauty of a forest and look beyond the value of the timber. This love is a lamp that allows us to move toward a greater light that suns our lives. We begin to see hints of loves sacramental nature – hints of the fourth kind of love where matter and mystic do not commingle.

This is the love of poets. “The energy of eternal delight” described by William Blake. A hidden power waiting to be discovered.

This is the love of mystic poet George Russell² who said of his teenage romance claimed “intense and passionate imaginations of another world seized me …. every flower was a word, a thought. The grass was speech, the trees were speech; the waters were speech the winds were speech.”

No wonder he wrote “I think o f the earth as the floor of a cathedral where altar and presence are everywhere.”

This is the world of the Romantic movement, where imagination. Nature is a “plantation of God” said Ralph Waldo Emerson³ and “standing on bare ground … the currents of the universal being circulate through me; I am part or parcel of God.”

But this our own creative vision – an allegory of a greater divine state. This love is empowered by our instincts. Jung described the instincts of sex, the instinct to activity and by the reflective instinct. A seed of self awareness, this reflective ability allows us to see beyond ourselves, to build societies, ensure our societies survival. Yet we are gifted to be able to replay the experience in story and drama, and even science.

It offers catharsis, creative and intellectual vision and meditation.. This love takes us beyond the moment to moment snaps shot of momentary pleasure liberating us to creativity. Creativity that makes empathy possible.

Yet in cosmic dance of creation, Maslow reminds us that there are basic steps from biological, security, social and ego needs required before we are truly reach self expression. As much as it tries, It does not stand outside of life’s realities.

It could be argued that we mostly live in a world of fantasy. Yogic gurus and kabbalist’s argue we reflexively respond to our world as the monkey mind urges us forward from one sensation to the next. Each sensation giving us a chemical fix in our brains.

So this is the world both of delight, and delusion, a synaesthesia of dance and colour rushing in. It is the love that can enthral or crush us. Like love of Romeo and Juliet it frustrates all who seek to control the uncontrollable. It can enliven or destroy.

But if it destroys then is it really love – or love turned to lust? Perhaps this is a love of beauty that may be described by the intellect and faith of poets and believers alike.

Or perhaps the answer lies in our approach, the questions we ask of love and the degree of balance that we extend to it.

Unless we seek the hidden energy within, we can continue to grasp the pleasures of a lover. Once we know ourselves, we see our soul mirrored in a lover. Once realised, Its creative ability can build to unselfishness and empathy. Unknown or ignored it can collapse into lust and sexploitation.

This is the love of Venus, Isis or Aphrodite. This is the artistic love of the divine feminine, called both pure and a whore, depending on whose asking. She is Kali who is mother, carer and demonic destroyer ….

…. and here we face a dilemma.

Love is a pursuit of closeness. Once achieved, it can easily become routine. Each day must reawaken the search to discover what is new in our lover. To yearn cross a chasm for love, to bridge challenges, to discover what is closer to our lovers heart than us and become it.

The problem in failed romances is rarely lack of love. It is that I expect you to love me by my narrow definition. This is why it is nor right narrow love and restrict it. Because if I define love to narrowly it will not meet another persons expectations.

It is because I want you in my life, the traits I would tolerate in a friend bother me when from you. It is because I love you that it drives me crazy. If I didn’t care then I wouldn’t love you. I could keep you at a distance as I can separate from a former school friend.

In the heat and intensity of passion, emotions are fragile and fickle – but that is what makes them exciting. If it never changed it would not be love – it would be security.

If you want stability, stay with your mother.

On the path of true love we arrive at a unity where artificial distinctions dissolve and we discover the whole person we admire – and in so doing we discover ourselves.

In a 17^th century allegory called The Chymical Wedding, the hero climbs into the bedchamber of the Naked Lady Venus which is described psychologically by Esther Harding⁴:

“To raise the veil of Isis is to see nature as she really is, to understand what it is that underlies the manifestation of this world and of the emotions that so move us, to see them in their ultimate reality, not veiled by rationalisation or illusion. He who is able to do that and so face reality, becomes consciously immortal, or perhaps it should read ‘conscious of immortality’, for he has released his mind himself from the conditioning of time and space, and especially from the distortions of facts bought about by his own ego orientation.

The centre of consciousness has shifted from the personal ‘I’ of his ego, to a more disinterested focal point which embraces in its outlook a larger range and has in consequence a more detached attitude.”

Clearly this requires a balance of both passion and reason. Romantic success requires the creative healing, the creative growing of love.

 But how, will be addressed in our next article.

Image: Love In Lights by ~kevio89
loving You by ~lovelybutterfly

1Much of this section is derived from meditations on Naomi Ozaniec’s The Kabbalah Experience’

2AE(George Russell), The Candle of Vision, Inner World of the Imagination, Prison Press 1990.

3Ralph Waldo Emerson, Selected Essays, Penguin Books, 1985.

4Esther Harding Womens Mysteries, Rider, 1971.

When the twilight is gone and no songbirds are singing
When the twilight is gone you come into my heart
And here in my heart you will stay while I pray

- My Prayer
Jimmy Kennedy and Georges Boulanger

Love is a prayer. Like Rumi of old we can yearn for God or yearn for a lover. Love can be expressed both communally and most intimately. Love can give to all and most privately dissolve two souls as one.

Perhaps it is because love is the art of finding – and cherishing – yourself.

From lust to love, we waver from fear of rejection, to deep compassion. In prayer we beg for our needs, ask compassionately for blessings for the oppressed, and love our deepest spirit.

In loving rhymes we can reflect alone in sonnets for our beloved. Another roams the world breathing her lover in every breath.

But love is no mental excursion. It touches our skin, and envelops our whole like the most elaborate ceremonial garb and its glow reaches from our deepest core to the world.

Whether in public or private, love prays intense and personal calling for us to anchor to our deepest moorings. It is easy top think in these moments of yearning that our love, life and our happiness is bound in one soul mate, much as many pray for eternal salvation in a world to come.

From our first glimpses of consciousness we seek to make our way distinct from our environment. If Freud was right, we at first see everything as part of ourselves. The fleeting glimpses of a nurturing mother sustain us and teach us love. Caresses, warmth and tenderness are our earliest memories.

We develop pragmatic answers We at best glimpse small experiential snatches of life leading to secondary and further questions. However, love defies philosophic psychological or scientific reduction.

Even if we could explain its mechanics its expression is as diverse as there are lovers.

The soul talk of prayer that aspires to the most divine intimacy, tefillah in Hebrew, is derived expressed in its root – to judge, differentiate, clarify and to decide what really matters in life.

The moment we love – like the moment we pray – we realise that our memories are delusory. That in learning to love we find we must not anchor our souls to our lover. But to our unanchored soul that defies time, space or memories. What we once called love was lust to be replaced by a reality of self and lover grounded in reality.

A realisation that we made perfect the imperfect . If we can still love what is unlovable in our selves and our partner.

In the Western tradition intimacy is referred to as knowing. Sex is far more than just a physical cohabitation – it was an intimate merging of souls and discovery.

Perhaps this is why the story of Adams sin – eating the apple in the garden, has become analogous with sex. Just as apples are linked to seduction. Neither the word apple or sex is mentioned in the Biblical account.

Still, there is a great lesson – a metaphor if you will – to be found in the quest for true love. Snakes are through out the ages symbols of secret knowledge – even in the zodiac, freedom seeking Aquarius is symbolised by two snakes – often mistaken as waves curving.

Then there was the tree of Knowledge of Good and Bad.

Then follows an existential moment of primal uncertianty. Suddenly, naked innocence is lost.

Then, hiding in shame, Adam hears a voice: Adam where are you.

Clearly, this is no missing person search. God already knows the answer. Rather, the primal man hears a nagging question plaguing us all.

The existential demand to know “Who are you?” or “Who am I?”

Eve had been promised power in knowing good and bad, to be like God …. and yes, there is power in knowledge.

Ask any scientist.

The sin lays in needing to know something that has no corresponding need in the soul. A search for facts for facts sake. Knowledge is made powerful in its utility. Science delights in finding falsifiability, and defining the limits of a theory. Existential knowledge must also be verifiable by experience.

In chasing knowledge they – and we – seek to find our self in external facts, or in the case of love, lost in the arms of a lover. We seek to find ourself in love and in its pursuit we lose our way. We are hiding from ourselves.

In that moment, we hear in the garden of our soul a nagging voice “Where are you?” which becomes “Where Am I? Where am I … now?”

In love we are more receptive to our inner world We can, in lust at least, ignore it in the pusuit of desire. Yet to endure love requires we open to our essence, our inner self.

We are left asking, perhaps in different words, or disguises “Where am I? Who Am I? What am I here for?”

In the mirror of a lover we find our answers. In love, as in prayer, we find the answers are deep within. It’s just that to harness its power, we have to love outside and beyond ourselves.

Image: Prayer For The Lovers by ~CakesFactory

The Lovers Prayer by ~Buffichar

“I falter before the task of finding the language which might adequately express the incalculable paradoxes of love” wrote Carl Jung “I have again and again faced the mystery of love, and have never been able to explain what it is.” 

Knowing what love is seems almost impossible. Is love a biological trick? A divine gift? Or somewhere in between? 

We are fascinated by the union of opposite natures – of masculine and feminine.  

In the Bible – both Jewish and Christian – the word “to know” describes sex (Gn 4:1; 19:8; Mt 1:25).  However, this knowledge is far from a casual acquaintance – a one night stand, or a passing glimpse of a womans body. 

The mystical traditions describe a divine knowledge and the mystery of union, what Jung called the mysterium coniunctionis, involves “a spiritual meaning latent in the secret of creation as a whole¹”  

In Jewish mysticism ten divine qualities or sephirot are described as part of the kabbalistic Tree of Life. Like a crown, the highest intellectual quality, keter, sits above and apart, between the unexplainable infinity of the divine. It sits in the archetypical world of Atziluth, but forms part of supernal triangle with chochmah, wisdom, and binah, understanding, both part of the creative world or Briah.  

Seen only in rare spiritually refined moments, In the 13^th century, the rare external glimpses of keter, as a complementary Sephirah called Da`at, or knowledge.  

It is shown in the middle, harmonising the left and right sides of the tree of life – one side called the Pillar of Severity and the other the Pillar of Mercy. In the middle line, or Pillar of Equilibrium or Consciousness, graphically it is portrayed “Da`at occupies the middle position between the two parts of the brain. Being in the middle, it unites the opposites and bridges the paradox. Together, Hokhmah, Binah, and Da`at make up the mental base underlying all creative expression.²” 

“Knowledge, then, is equivalent to the complete union of opposites. The only way for man and woman to love each other, not only physically but also spiritually, is to remove all the barriers that separate them. In essence, a man and a woman in love can reach closeness as no two other human beings can.” 

Jung argued that while sex is often only see in terms of lust and pleasure, it has greater unconscious archetypal – a spiritual – significance often forgotten in the heat of passion. What Jung called a relationship of anima to animus. Symbolizing the “union of the feminine and masculine principles and, as a mystical, numinous experience, must also be approached in symbolic terms.” ( Dreifuss) 

Psychology points out that the processes of creativity and individuation can be experienced in sexual terms. The union of opposite principles ‘gives birth’ to a new experience much as the joys of love can create new life.  

The integration of the fragmented unconscious found in Freud and Jung are implied in the ideas of the kabbalist Isaac Luria, called the Ari, whose words were recorded by his student Chayyim Vital ( 1542-1620). Luria described man’s divinely appointed task to help restore the divine sparks from broken vessels of a shattered cosmos . 

Fascinated by kabbalah in later life, Jung claimed “a full understanding of the Jewish origins of psychoanalysis would carry us beyond Jewish Orthodoxy into the subterranean workings of Hasidism and then into the intricacies of the Kabbalah which still remain unexplored psychologically.³“  

Perhaps this integration of parts is the meaning of Adam and Eves being ‘one flesh’, made whole, being completed in a soul mate. In Chassidic circles it is taught soulmates were one soul in the heavenly realm, and they are to discover each other, and through the trials of life, become renewed and stronger in love and appreciation. 

That which is concealed is loved more once discovered. 

The mystery of love was not lost on ancient mystics – especially the erotic Song of Songs. Jewish thought applied it as a metaphor for God and the Jewish nation, later Christian mystics as a metaphor for Christ and the Church and Islamic writers such as Rumi describe loving Allah in poetic romantic terms. 

Rather than just describing each other in beautiful poetry, the lovers outpouring of metaphors “denote the symbolic level of the relationship, pointing to a reality beyond the partners’ conscious relationship that hints at the divine, at another realm and an unspeakable mystery” claimed Gustav Dreifus. 

“ The mystery of love is a fascinating secret, an impenetrable enigma that no psychological interpretation can possibly “explain.”” 

In his psychological analysis, Dreifus points out that “Shulammite and Shlomoh, derive from the Hebrew root sh-l-m that denotes both peace and wholeness. The dual nature of their names, simultaneously private and transpersonal, turns them into a quintessential embodiment of the man-woman relationship. The Shulammite enchants Shlomoh, who describes her beauty in strikingly rich and poetic terms through metaphors borrowed from nature that allude to earthlinked, symbolic, and archetypal aspects.”  

Here, Dreifus draws on Lurias kabbalistic understanding, linking the mystical love of song of Songs with what seems like incestuous incidents in Genesis, and even perhaps references to Egyptian poetry. 

In the Ari’s kabbalistc model, divine revelation is divided into five Partsufim. Keter is called Arikh Anpin, “the Long Suffering,” representing pure mercy and divine love⁴ and is described as a Grandfather. Th next level, Cochmah and Binah are described as Abba and Ima, or mother and father respectively. The thirs lvel, the offspring, are brother and sister, the son Ze`ir Anpin, or Hesed Din Tifereth with the sephoroth Netsah Hod Yesod and daughter Nukvah or the tenth sephirot Malkhut She is both the daughter and the son’s consort. 

It is the psychology, and not technical kabbalistic jargon, that I want to highlight. In describing these ‘great archetype images’ here Dreifus calls on the great Kabbalist Aryan Kaplan. 

Kaplan observes that in the classic kabbalistic texts the Ets Hayyim or the Idrot, the relationship between Abba and Ima (father and mother) and Ze`ir Anpin and Nukva (son and daughter are described as Zivug, or sexual union or attachment. 

“As the Ari describes it, there is an entire process by which Ze`ir Anpin is born. It starts with a Kiss between Abba and Ima, which then develops into a Zivug. We understand of course that these relationships have a very deep symbolic meaning. The Song of Songs, for instance, begins with the verse “Let him kiss me with the kisses of His lips’.”

Just as the kisses of foreplay may lead to sexual union and pregnancy’⁵, Kaplan explains that “To the Kabbalists, a kiss symbolizes the meeting of minds, whereas a zivug represents the melting of bodies, of total essence.”

Dreifus explains: “.The kiss is a meeting of lips, mouths, and tongues, alluding to the meeting of heads, minds, and souls. The melting of the bodies represents the total essence, namely, mystical oneness in the orgasm. The numinosity of the experience is explained by the analogy between the human and the divine copulation (between Ze`ir Anpin and Nukva).” 

He then again quotes Kaplan “Abba and Ima come together and Ima becomes pregnant with Ze`ir Anpin; she carries him, gives birth to him and nurses him. She then becomes pregnant a second time, the second pregnancy being not a physical but rather a mental pregnancy which develops Ze`ir Anpin’s Mochin, his personality, and Nukva de Ze`ir Anpin, who is his sister.⁶”

Of course, in Jewish law brother sister unions are forbidden. These unions are described as occurring in the realm of Atzilut and according to Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Lubavitch, called the Tsemah Tsedek ( 1789–1866), these unions are too holy for human beings to dare.

 “Atsilut is one aspect of the collective unconscious. At its deepest level, the Song of Songs portrays incest between brother and sister. Incest is prohibited between human beings because of anthropological and psychological reasons. Symbolically, however, incest represents the union of opposites. It is a feeling of joy. It is a numinous experience conveying the feeling of being on the road to individuation” writes Dreyfus.

“This explains the incestuous relationship between the patriarch Abraham and the matriarch Sarah, who were actually half-brother and sister, whereas for Isaac, calling his wife Rebecca his “sister” is a deeply symbolical figure of speech.”

Perhaps, in our highly sexualised Western world we have forgotten the deeper symbolic yearnings inherent in love and passion.:

Still, the ritual of Luria’s kabbalists is a far cry from the therapeutic use of kabbalistic archetpes today. How can these metaphors help in real love?

Therapist Sanford Drob, explains “ the Lurianic symbols of Shevirat ha-Kelim, the “breaking of the vessels” and Tikkun (emendation, restoration) suggests that all vessels, all containers, all world-views and ideas, including the Lurianic Kabbalah itself, are continually subject to deconstruction and emendation.”

In kabbalah a “portion of the world was left uncreated by God, a portion of the self remains uncreated in each individual. ….. The most important sense of the unconscious is not that part of one’s past that has been stored away in an archive, but rather that part of one’s potential which has never been realized or, perhaps, even recognized. “

This psychotherapeutic process heals the soul through the realization of his/her personal potential, but also, the client’s relationships to others and the environment he says.

In terms of a love relationship, kabbalah and the Bible commends a soulmate-couple to ‘become one flesh’. Clearly this means more than sexual union – going to a prostitute does not make ‘one flesh.’

Chassidic philosopher, Rabbi Manis Freedman takes the questioning even further: Kabbalistically a soulmate was already one in heaven – so they cannot become one flesh – they already are one.

Being of one mind is not enough – close friends can be of one mind but not soul mates.

The Bible describes the whole nation of Israel being of one heart at mount Sinai – but they weren’t one flesh.

However, Freedman argues that when that united soul, unify in shared mind, heart and soul experiences shared in love they have a shared fleshly experience. The experience recreates their love on a higher level.

You become one flesh by taking your soul mate seriously. When done in love, taking your soulmates ego seriously is a giant step, says Freedman.

Chassidus teaches the idea of both an animal and Godly soul, and when we know our animal needs we can turn it to good.

When you know your own ego needs but can consciously ignore them so you can consciously gratify another’s needs then you can become one flesh.

When you are thinking about your own needs alone you take up space. In other words, you exist. When you contribute – and stop worrying about your existence – you and your love becomes alive.

Image: Loving you by *Marori

Loving Couple by ~Highball

loving You by ~lovelybutterfly

1Gustav Dreifuss, The Union of Opposites in the Kabbalah, JOURNAL OF JUNGIAN THEORY AND PRACTICE VOL. 7 NO. 1 2005.

2Ibid.

3Jung, C.G.  Letters, ed. by Gerhard Adler, Aniella Jaffe, and R.F.S. Hull. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press. Vol. II, p.157 358-9.

4In the Zohar it is called Attika Kadisha, the Holy Ancient One. Arikh Anpin is from the Aramaic root Anaf and the Hebrew root Af, meaning anger and means slow to anger.

5Dreifus, ibid

6Kaplan, A. (1990). Innerspace: Introduction to Kabbalah, meditation and prophecy (A. Sutton,

Ed.). New York: Moznaim, p 105.

Can Porn make you a better lover? Really…? Yes says author Leil Lowndes. But not the anatomically ridiculous male sex romp. Try female romantic soft-X porn instead – or a good romance novel.

I don’t recommend porn – and admit to being more than a little sceptical. So skeptical that I am asking – begging – for your opinion.

Its just that the good doctor has touched on the nerve of the female psyche that men don’t quiet get.

Lowndes Logic

Men know that women like romance – in their heads, it just hasn’t quiet sunk in at the level of practice.

The fact that each month, 150 new romance novels roll off the presses should make men ask what women are yearning for. Why are they filled with hunks like the strong silent stranger, the tycoon who flips his priorities when he meets the love of his life, and even Mr. Mom.

By the way, the majority of romance readers are college-educated and earn an average of

$40,000 per year – not some hard up nit wit stuck with kids wanting to dump her husband.

We all know it and we hear the same story from study after study: When read the same erotic story in a study at Louisiana State University, men remembered .the woman “clawed at her partner’s back and wrapped her legs around him,” whereas women remembered as the hot parts of the story scenes in which “they looked deeply into one another’s eyes.”

Don’t fight it guys, learn from it.

“Unlike male porn, women’s films show you how a woman likes to be kissed and how she likes to be caressed, talked to, and made love to” wrote Lowndes in How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.

“You’ll pick up other practical hints, like suave ways to slip on your condom.“

Leil recommends films by directors like Candida Royalle, Gloria Leonard, and Deborah Shames as romantic Fem-Porn is a no holes barred view “the way a woman likes it, in her movies.”

… and “A picture is worth a thousand words. A moving picture is worth a thousand still pictures.” A movie will be remembered far better than any book.

Even the bad ones at least can teach a guy what women relate too.

“Women’s sex movies, in contrast to men’s, are more complicated. In place of raw sex, there is steamy sensuality. The films show an emotional connection between the partners, and affection. Closeups on faces reflect the partners’ feelings.”

….Guys, please  remember girls get turned on when we see the delight in their man’s face!

For many women fully aroused only when they feel deep affection or respect for their partner.This is why the build up and atmosphere of female erotica is an important lesson for men to learn,

“Candida Royalle’s films, you’ll master techniques on how to touch and caress a woman. In Gloria Leonard’s, you’ll find that humor and sex mingle. In Deborah Shames’s films, you’ll learn more about creating just the right atmosphere to make [her] fall in love with you.”

“From all of these women’s films you’ll learn that humor, romance, a buildup of tension, and strong, slow hands are what work with women.”

Besides some great ideas that will unleash a woman’s desire between the sheets—or on the dining room table, or in the elevator, or on the beach how the women desire to develop a relationship. Ypi may lack the budget of a fictional millionaire lover – but you can learn what she feels and show her she is loved.

“Loving you makes her hotter. Your loving her makes her hotter still” wrote Lowndes.

Of course, a lot of guys would never want their mates seeing them watching Christine’s Secret or A Taste of Ambrosia so sneak a peak at a Harlequin romance for ideas instead.

Now guys, before you start feeling sick at reading how handsome, masculine, sexy hero named Sam is mouthing the sentiments and feelings. He saying what women traditionally feel. What they want you to say. Sam wants to talk, he wants it more romantic, and he thinks he’s falling in love.

Sam, the tender man who needs her, who loves her. Sam, the strong, the gentle, the passionate. But Sam’s passion was not for sex, it was for her.

Twenty-five million readers regularly buy romance novels. Don’t fight it – learn from it.

Do you want ideas about a romantic evening?

Of course, in that passionate out door sex scene, Sam’s feelings, Sam’s expressions, and Sam’s cries came crashing into Emma’s consciousness through the pounding rain. Then after the “one glorious eternity” there was the “warmth that was more than just physical” and the promise of the future: “I want to hold you forever.”

”Memorize a few of the phrases and study the choreography of the moves. Hearing “I need you, I want you, I love you” above the roar of the wind and the waves strikes a primitive pre-lib chord in practically every female heart.”

You may chuckle, guffaw, gag, roll your eyes, or double up on the floor choking with laughter, but twenty-five million females can’t be faking it, she said.

“Corny? Perhaps. But certainly no more unrealistic or wishful thinking than the hot animalistic females who cavort through male porn films begging men to be allowed to do them.”

The fact is, romance is very steamy stuff to a woman.

But What if? ….

Ok … I understand Lowndes logic … still, I wonder if just perhaps, what a girl would think if she found her lover watching some steamy Fem- Porn?

Would she really be grateful he was trying to find romantic ideas?  Or would i she be suspicious he was secretly fantasizing over the curves of the female lead?

Since women yearn for intimate connection with their lover could fem porn ignite unconscious fears and cause doubt?

What do you think? Ladies: would you be happy if he was watching Fem-porn? Gentleman: Do you think fem porn would make you feel closer to your lover?

images:Romance by ~rhinosserossy

romance by ~ssecret

(material adapted from How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You by Leil Lowndes, CONTEMPORARY BOOKS, 1996)

“It’s not fair – he didn’t make me scream” sang Lilly Allen.

Author Doris Lessing was even more blunt: Men “get erections when they’re with a woman they don’t give a damn about, but we don’t have an orgasm unless we love him.”

“What’s free about that?”

We may live in a world of increasing sexual freedom but women face a dilemma that’s just not fair.

“You may be free to pursue sex like men, but the deeper pleasures require some level of emotional attachment” claimed ex therapist and relationship counsellor Ian Kerner

Even if your man is the most sincere lover on the planet he cannot know your physical sensations.

Then there are all these male sex gurus telling men to act alpha tough or be cocky and funny. Even if that gets them in your bed it doesn’t leave you satisfied.

Now guys are you listening?

Why not talk about what turns a women on? Lets reveal what Double Her Desire for her man?

Finally there is one woman who has set the record straight. As woman rarely rise beyond cultural conditioning and say what they want. has decided to show men how to Make Love.

Making love involves emotions, past experiences together, your fears, your dreams, your whole story. Making love means being Fully present…

How many guys really know how to show their woman they want to truly make love?

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed” said Albert Einstein.

Itss time to escape that trap so that men can understand how to keep their womans passion thriving and not fall into disappointment.

Another problem

Its sad but true, when you’re in a relationship for a few years female libido decreases.

The “primal” body gets “bored” about the same “routine”.

The bonding comfort seeking hormone oxytocin takes over – the chemical rush declines.

However, step-by-step techniques will bring back the lust for your man.

Gabrielle Moore’s approach shows men how to increase HER libido again…

… just like when you were still dating …

Now I admit the sales talk directed to men is a bit over the top – the promise”that she is the one BEGGING you to have sex” is over the top. I suppose she needs to get guys to listen.

Still, why shouldn’t women finally enjoy long lasting desire in a long term love life?

The fact is, women enjoy sex far more than men ever can! But only when they are truly satisfied. Unlike men, satisfaction can fill every fibre of their being, while a guy gets a hit in one very small part of his lower anatomy.

Gabrielle Moore reveals why true loving sex in a long term relationship is not only safer but far more satisfying.

“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.” claimed Mae West. Besides, Daily romance is not hard

Gabrielle reveals the 3 innocent sexual cues men can easily add to their daily life that will make you want more.

Gabrielle reveals how men make their lover want them.

It takes a woman to reveal that space somewhere between foreplay and lovemaking there are a few special minutes when he can go the extra mile, – the Sexplay – taking her to new heights of ecstasy.

Why is it that some men don’t realise lusty grin,a soft sigh or moan of “Oh my God”even just a deep rumbly growl in your throat, that tells her that pleasuring her is a big turn on for him too, setting her free on a sensual roller coaster ride of delight?

“Joy blooms where minds and hearts are open.” said Jonathan Lockwood. So its great to see a woman’s perspective, to keep the romance going long after the passion.

Her steamy “Shower Sex Games“ ebook is an added free bonus to her program to ki ndle the lust between the longest of loves.

Yes, sex is good for you …. Perhaps Mae West was right ….Especially when he knows how to Double Her Desire.

Sex is even better when its with someone you truly love for life …. someone who together with you .. shares your passion to make every moment a ride to remember.

Image: Desire 3 by *jay-peg

On my arrival to India, my beloved was diagnosed with leukaemia.

It has been a roller coaster ride of reflection, and more powerfully of hope, transformation and growth. A shattering and re-piecing of life’s puzzle that has been mirrored in our business and family life.

We believe all things are for the good – and in ever knock down there is the promise of double the opportunity.

….. and there is the question of loves very nature …. what is love anyway? OK there is lust and attraction. But is that really love? Or is lust just another form of greed?

As we have rebuilt the shattered fragments of our lives I wrote, and rewrote to you. Still, I feel this message is incomplete.

So What Is Love?

i reallty want to know your opinion.

In the meantime, here are a few of my suggestions:

Infatuation is passive, a victim of attraction to an illusion.

Love is discerning. Love actively seeks to appreciate the intrinsic worth of the beloved.

Lust seeks fulfilment and excitement, it is heavy and focused on the object of desire. You are separate and dissipates in satisfaction.

Love experiences fulfilment and offers tranquillity It is light and restorative.

Greed seeks to possess yet paradoxically makes us a slave of the object we desire.

Love is also an oxymoron.

To love I must love, respect and care for a person. To respect someone I must love them as they are. Not who I want turn them into.

So I am faced with a contradiction. I want what is best for her and yet, she – like me – rarely show their best.

So love means accepting your beloved as she is while fully believing and supporting their potential.

Afterall, there is nothing virtual in love. You cannot love with only your head through the door – even if separated by distance- you must be fully there. You must fully enter the through door and into the world of the beloved – emtionally and spiritually.

You must be fully present and committed.

Love seeks to unreservedly give, and the spiritual incorporation of lover and beloved in their very being.

Perhaps these are steps from lower to higher planes of expression. We can debate whether love is a biological trick or a mystical seeking of union with the divine, however man does search for a life of meaning.

The passion for divinity has poetically been described like lovers.

Abrahamic faiths describe human life as a love affair between the soul and God.  The Indian Bhagavad Gita claims when you love you know God.

Love is not seen as some abstract force out there – distinct from an objective world. We are all connected and separateness is only an illusion. Love, say the mystics, is a refection of divine unity in a world of duality.

Love is an all encompassing force. Love means loving all creation – and the divinity inside ourselves and all other created beings.

Mystics see Love even in gravity and other forces of attraction. The maternal instinct is another higher form. In humans love can go beyond instinct and be developed consciously.

Nature also teaches us the need for balance. If attraction is Love, then opposite forces of repulsion are a natural consequence. A good lesson, for lovers so hungry to connect – for Love to endure it must be complemented with an equal measure of restraint.

The yearning for connection is so powerful that it can distort and even destroy love.

Consider an electrical circuit with its positive and negative polarity. Electricity works because it is constrained in a circuit – it seeks the shortest possible route, but needs resistance along wires to work.

Like electricity, passion seeks the shortest route – and without resistance it short circuits! To last love needs boundaries – just as electricity needs wires (or silicon chips) .

Two sides of the same coin?

Since, the act of falling in Love is spontaneous and not the act of obligation, the rediscovery of a sense of what drove our romantic passion can ignite creative and intellectual contribution to the world.

However, since Love may begin an unreasoning animal, we often later see the need to think things through, then finally Love and reason may synthesise a unifying bond. To act consciously.

You can consciously develop love. Yet, the kaleidoscope of experience colours the quality of our love experience. True Love may be blocked by the lust, greed and infatuation that may drive us to say “I Love you”.

Lovers brings out the best and worst in us. Our strengths and weaknesses are appreciated and exposed. There are joys and tensions that force us to face ourselves. Intimacy can either help or hinder our spiritual growth.

Add to this, the challenge that I can only perceive life filtered through my past experience. However, what I see in my beloved is influenced by my experiences, culture and the differences between the sexes.

I may try to understand, but it takes time to truly understand another’s past and their traumas.

The obstacles to love and life can be seen as shells separating us from integration. Mystically, life’s “negatives” in an otherwise uniform plenum of divine light – the representations of God’s intellectual, spiritual and emotional characteristics.

You cannot just switch off Love.

It is to easy to seek quick fixes to relationship symptoms rather than address the real causes, our values and mission in life.

While short term flings seek pleasure without ever developing as a self actualising person, love forces us to look into the mirror of our soul. Or intimacy may sink into ‘a relationship’ – a thing separate to ourselves, rather than the daily experience of ourselves and our beloved.

Love makes demands and its links are varied and deep. As we grow within, our relationships mirror our soul.

So while we may meet our partner in love as well as lust, shared joys and sorrows force us on the path or realisation.

Are you prepared to cave crevices of your own soul? To face yourself? Either we face ourselves or our partners – and children – will throw back in our faces the qualities we try to hide in ourselves.

(How often do we see repressed parents have promiscuous kids?)

A life of love offers the creative tension and spiritual dynamic toward self discovery, solutions and oneness of being.

Once realised, real Love offers us freedom because it comes from a position of completeness. Undiluted lust comes from a position of lack – seeking illusory completeness in another. Love freely offered because it is not from insecurity. It is from honest appreciation of our and our lovers strengths and limitations.

We can start looking at the world differently. Rather than competing, we see that conflict is like an argument between two hands over which one is superior. Both are needed to get a firm hold on a life of Love.

So can we make love work? Or is it some abstract romanticised, spiritualised dream?

Love requires we grow from instinctual lusts, then a more refined affection based on conscious choice and then to a love beyond ourselves.

To grow from the physical through emotional mental and spiritual bodies. This the path of life referred too by the Huna tradition of Hawaii, and follows a well defined path from instinctive lust through to a maturing affection. To grow from unconscious to conscious and then to an unconscious awareness.

(In India it they might say from the Gross body, the subtle body, the mental body and then reach realisation.)
Isn’t that a little too abstract – to out there?

Love works in the real world.

But then isn’t that what makes love beautiful? ….. and so rare? When practical and sensitive caring meet in the beauty of real life?

In the European Middle Ages love was described as unreachable. The Cathar inspired doctrine of courtly love taught that “true love” was not the ordinary human love between husband and wife but rather the worship of a feminine saviour, a mediator between God and man.

It has left a twisted unrealistic view of romantic love, claims love historian Robert Johnson. For example, convict Australian women were described as Whores or Gods Police.

Natural spirituality describes a more holistic love life.

Kabbalah speak of bringing the divine into the real world. Huna calls it the Path of Mastery: when I bring take the higher than Conscious mind to the unconscious and then conscious mind.

We master Love, when we can bring it to the world of daily life.

To do that we need to follow the sage advice from Ancient Delphi: “Know Thyself”.

Only then can we be strong enough to offer our whole soul, heart and mind in the art of Love.

So, what do you think?

I want to know what love mean s to you.

Please share your thoughts!

I am particularly interested in publishing your own ideas – and articles – on what love is.

For example, what is love according to Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, Taoism or Judaism? In your part of the global village- how is love understood? What is its customs?

Do you share in unique marriage or dating rituals?

Do you have an opinion?

I would love to publish it.

LOVE? by ~xTwistofFatex

Loving CoupleHighball

Men may even see it as an opportunity for a threesome as this would satisfying men’s greater desire for more partners, claims doctoral candidate in evolutionary psychology Jaime C. Confer.

Or to put it more scientifically, men “may view a partner’s homosexual affair as an opportunity to mate with more than one woman simultaneously.”

Men were 50 percent likely to continuing dating a partner who has had a homosexual affair and 22 percent of staying with a woman after a heterosexual affair.

Women were 28 percent likely to continuing dating a boyfriend who has had a heterosexual affair and 21 percent likely of staying with a man who has had a homosexual affair.

A study, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, provides new insight into the psychological adaptations behind men’s desire for a variety of partners and women’s desire for a committed partner.

These drives have played a key role in the evolution of human mating psychology., claims the research from the University of Texas at Austin.

Women show the opposite pattern. They are more likely to continue dating a man who has had a heterosexual affair than one who has had a homosexual affair.

“A robust jealousy mechanism is activated in men and women by different types of cues — those that threaten paternity in men and those that threaten abandonment in women,” says Confer.

Confer conducted the study with her father, Mark D. Cloud, a psychology professor at Lock Haven University in Pennsylvania.

The researchers asked 700 college students to imagine they were in a committed romantic and sexual relationship with someone they’ve been dating for three months. They were then asked how they would respond to infidelity committed by the imagined partner, reports Science Daily.

Some participants were told their partners had been unfaithful with a man, others with a woman. Some were told their partners had an affair with one person, others with multiple partners. Some were told the infidelity happened once, others twice.

Men are more distressed by the type of infidelity that could threaten the paternity of their offspring.

The results are remarkable because surveys show men have more negative attitudes toward homosexuality and to be less supportive of civil rights for same-sex couples than women.

“However, this general trend of men showing lower tolerance for homosexuality than women is reversed in the one fitness-enhancing situation — female homosexuality,” say the authors.

Women objected to continuing a relationship following both types of affairs. However, a homosexual affair may be seen as a sign of dissatisfaction with the current relationship and a prelude to possible abandonment..

Asked the outcomes of real-life infidelity experiences, men were significantly more likely than women to have ended their actual relationships following a partner’s (presumably heterosexual) affair.

infidelity. by ~beautifuked

“What a pity! A mountain peak as tiny as one square inch has been the source of great inspiration and misery for centuries.”
—Anonymous Chinese Poet on man’s obsession with woman’s sex.

Why are men so fixated by sex?

Taoist healing instructor and editor of the Taoist Esoteric Yoga Encyclopedia Michael Winn gave one of the best Taoist answers I have found. The following is condensed from his article ‘Taoist “Dual Cultivation” and the Quest for Sexual Love, the introduction to ‘Taoist Secrets of Love – Cultivating the Male Sexual Energy’ by Mantak Chia.

Taoists say a woman’s yin essence is nearly inexhaustible – she can receiver her man as long as she wants.

Not so the man whose love making is limited to the amount of energy he has to keep his erection.

“His yang essence is more easily tired” wrote Winn “a woman is sexually stronger than a man because biologically she needs to be. Her reproductive organs must bear the strain of physically producing children and nurturing them.”

“The effects on men of this primal biological inequality are profound, setting off a chain reaction that can permeate male thinking and feeling on all levels, from marriage to work to cultural roles we choose to play and to the spiritual models we choose for our inner growth.

At heart most men are as terrified of women’s infinite sexual capacity as they are fascinated by it.

The general effect on men is to make them feel sexually insecure and causes them to attempt to compensate with some other strength. Sexual insecurity may be the primary reason men have sought physical, political, financial, intellectual, and religious advantage over woman. Correcting this sexual imbalance could have significant side benefits in establishing a more harmonious society, although the primary goal of the Taoist teaching on cultivation of sexual energy was personal health and spiritual fulfillment.

The quest for sexually fulfilled love has taken on the dimensions of a religion amongst those who are too liberal or too scientific to believe in any traditional version of God. The power behind this belief in romantic love, in an ultimate commitment to one person, is the power of sexual experience. If offers something tangible to be shared, a sacrament that is personal and present.

The decline of religion in the west may have begun when the experience of sex became more powerful than the spiritual experience offered by religion in prayer or in fellowship. The current revival of religion in the west ironically may be due in part, to a sexual exhaustion following on the heels of the sexual revolution.

Sex became a drug, an opiate for the discontent. Total sexual freedom did not supply the stability people needed most. Today, people are turning back to either marriage or religion to seek their sense of an absolute.

The Taoists offer neither religion nor marriage as the solution to stability, unless it be the marriage of subtle energies they identify as yin and yang. They simply encourage each individual to cultivate his natural inner life-force, or chi. It is in this context the ancient Chinese developed highly refined methods of increasing sexual vitality for the single and the married man. There are two main ways that these energy cultivation methods can be used and this book will accordingly attract two distinct kinds of students.

The first student seeks worldly happiness in the form of physical, emotional, and mental satisfaction. This includes any layman interested in strengthening his personal love relationship, in alleviating sexual frustration, in relieving boredom with sex, in curing impotency, wet dreams and premature ejaculation and in general increasing his longevity and good health.”

If he is disciplined and follows Taoist practice “he can attain all of these benefits. The other student considers himself on a spiritual path and wants to somehow integrate his sexual desires with his meditative practice or spiritual beliefs

What is the Taoist practice of Chi?

“The Taoist practice of chi cultivation focuses on integrating the divine or subtle energies into the human body, with the goal of achieving a dynamic balance of opposing energies called yin and yang. The Tao is the indescribable sum and absolute source of these energies, which manifest in ever changing form. The Taoists, being practical, proposed that a man can begin with the most accessible energy at hand, namely the sexual attraction between men and women, and use that as a springboard to more subtle realms.

Taoist Esoteric Yoga is neither a religion, nor a path to salvation.

Its vision reaches very far, teaching that enlightenment and physical immortality are only stages in a process of coming to wholeness as a human. It also remains very near and practical. The raw materials required for this evolution can be found at any given moment within the life of an ordinary human being.

The Taoist teaching of physical immortality doesn’t suggest men no longer die. It means that before they die they have the opportunity to cultivate a “solid” or substantial spiritual body, also known as the Immortal Body, the Solar Body, the Crystal Body, and other names. In the west the closest parallel to a Taoist Immortal is probably an angel. This is different from schools that teach how to become a holy man by dissolving the individual ego into the bliss of cosmic oneness. The Taoists insist each adept preserve his individual nature within a body (physical or spiritual) so he can oversee the growth of his soul until final union with “wu chi,” the nothingness from which the oneness of the Tao emerges.

This “staying in your own body” preclude the adept from totally surrendering to any guru or divine being or religious authority. No one else can do your spiritual work for you.”

Describing the methods of Taoist instructor Mantak Chia, Winn explains Taoist teacher “passes chi (or “shakti”) to his students only so they will have a better sense of what to cultivate and refuses any dependent emotional relationships. He describes himself as the lead driver in a caravan of cars. “I can give each student a road map, a set of tools and instructions on how to fix his car. We start out together, and help and love each other as much as possible along the way.

But ultimately everyone has to make it on his own. Some will break down, get lost, or choose a different route. Some may find a better road than the one I plotted. As a teacher, there’s no kindness I can offer beyond the map and tools and precise instructions for driving safely.”

A prolonged total body and soul orgasm

The Taoist premise is that few men ever penetrate the secret of fully tapping the sexual power that is sleeping deep within their own body. It is revolutionary for the average man to think he can enjoy a deep and radiant pleasure in sex that penetrates permanently to the core of his being, an experience far superior to ordinary genital orgasm. The kind of prolonged “total body and soul orgasm” cultivated by Taoists is normally thought to be the exceptional gift of passionate and sensitive women. It has even become the greatest myth of western culture—the woman as passionate object of romantic love, the one who brings love to its real tenderness.

The Taoists taught that men can participate equally in love through a truly exquisite balancing of sexual energies that is as tangible as any physical sensation of genital orgasms.

How is it possible for a man to so radically transform his sexual experience and through it his whole experience of life? Paradoxically, this “higher orgasm” can be discovered only when the “normal” or genital orgasm which so preoccupies America’s sexologists is de-emphasized. The beginning three basic stages of Taoist “dual cultivation” of sexual energy for couples are:

1. The male learns to hold the penis erect for as long as desired and does not ejaculate any sperm.
2. Man and woman re-direct sexual energy through specific bodily channels into higher regions of the heart, brain and glands.
3. Man exchanges his super charged energy with the complementary energy of woman.

For the man, it is opening his feelings and subtle energy channels to the woman’s essence and absorbing it during sex that is the key.

If you are without a lover, the Taoists offer a modification of this practice known as “single cultivation.” This teaches a single man how to put his sex energy to work creatively in daily life or simply to enjoy life in good health without the plague of sexual frustration. The goal of the Taoist masters was not to create a new myth of a super macho orgasm which everyone would struggle to achieve and thus create competition. Rather it was to teach men and women practical ways of using natural energies to go more deeply into life’s greatest gift, the freedom to love.

So what does all this cultivation of sexual energy have to do with love, of either the personal romantic type or the compassionate religious variety? The Taoists teach it is the responsibility of man and woman to balance the powers of Heaven and Earth harmoniously within themselves and that harmony in other spheres of life will follow thereafter. On the esoteric level, all acts of human love are the spontaneous transformation of our seed essence. Our seed essence, the seed of our very soul, is physically stored in the body as sperm or ovarian energy. When we love someone, we not only help them, but we also transform some of our own essence to a higher level of energy. Thus the Taoists see sexuality as a primary source of power behind love on the human level. Anyone following “the path of the heart”—the spontaneous and continuous loving of all that one meets—will find their way much strengthened by the Taoist insights into using the power of sexuality to that end.

At the same time it is the larger unseen cosmic harmony of the Tao that is always present that allows the experience of personal love to occur. Thus the Taoist term “harmony” is probably the closest equivalent for the western concept of “love” or compassion, on both the personal and universal levels. The Taoist goal is not to fulfill the human ego with its insatiable desires. It is to quiet the ego and calm the mind so that the subtle energies in the body can be first observed and then cultivated to a high level of awareness. Then the mind can see its true role in the larger order of things and work harmoniously to keep the forces in balance. Personal love relationships can be one valuable stage in this process, a microcosm of the larger subtle energy fields of the universe.

Western sexologists will undoubtedly dismiss these methods as having no statistical or verifiable scientific basis and accuse them of using vague terms such as “energy.” It may be shunned by Western religions who are against sexual pleasure as well as by Eastern ascetic schools who believe spiritual enlightenment can be found only by austerities that include sexual abstinence. The fact is that the early Taoists were scientists who based their practices on precise observation of human biology and psychology. They were neither hedonists nor ascetics, but sought a middle path to create the highest spiritual harmony possible between man and woman in accordance with natural laws of the universe. The deeply philosophical poetry of the Taoists, from the I Ching to Lao-Tse’s “Tao Te Ching” to the “Secret of the Golden Flower,” all testify to the sublime heights of their vision.

The fact these Taoist practices have survived by secret oral transmission for several thousand years is the strongest testimony that they work. The interviews I have conducted with dozens of modern western couples using these Taoist sexual practices, confirmed they still work for an ordinary cross section of urban men, young, old, white, black, Chinese, married and unmarried. Students of yoga, martial arts, and meditation have found it especially easy to learn the technique of seminal retention. Many people were already aware of the importance of sexual energy in their spiritual path, but simply lacked the method of expressing it directly in love making.

The Taoist methods may appear to be similar to the tantric sexual techniques becoming popularized in the west. The principle of balancing male and female and using the body as the crucible for transformation are essentially the same. As Nik Doulgas and Penny Slinger suggest in their authoritative “Sexual Secrets” (Inner Traditions N.Y. 1980) Indian tantra may have originated with ancient Taoists in China and then re-entered China hundreds of years later with the effect of re-vitalizing Taoist sexual practices.

For westerners today the foremost practical difference is that esoteric Taoism never assumed the cloak of secret rituals and invocation of religious deities that can make tantra seem strange and illfitting when transplanted to this culture. Sex was used more openly in China as a medicinal form of healing and natural path to spiritual balance without the same religious overtones. “

Taoist transforming sexual energy is not separate from meditation

The Taoist methods of transforming sexual energy are not separate from meditation practice.

“Taoist arts. Sexual balance is a very important foundation for building a healthy physical and emotional life, but the Taoist goal is ultimately to gather the primal energies driving all our desires, emotions, and thoughts and cultivate them back into their original state of pure spirit.

The Taoist Masters of ancient China were no fools. They knew love between man and woman is a mystery which cannot be taught. Sex may be only the hand maiden of higher love, but our sexual limitations often confront us with the feeling that our relationships with our lovers or that our life in general is incomplete.

Taoist sexual techniques are not mechanical substitutes for love.

 “The Taoist secrets of love are meant to be mastered and then discarded when the transformation of sexual energy is experienced as a natural creative power of man, as easy as walking, talking or thinking. Then the pleasure of sex can be ecstatic beyond orgasm and love tender beyond belief.”

Images: Love by ~KitKat22491
Chinese by ~rinoa-kisaragi 
Chinese Love by ~hyperfly

The Force of Love

“Love is an element which though physically unseen
is as real as air or water. It is an acting. living.
Moving force … it moves in waves and currents
like those of the ocean. ”
Prentice Milford (1834-1891)
NEW ‘THOUGHT AUTHOR

The kind of love that the greatest thinkers and saviors of the world talked about is very different from what most people understand love to be. It is much more than loving your family, friends, and favorite things, because love is not just a feeling: love is a positive force. Love is not weak, feeble, or soft. Love is the positive force of life! Love is the cause of everything positive and good. There are not a hundred different positive forces in life; there is only one.
Nature’s great powers, like gravity and electromagnetism, are invisible to our senses, but their power is indisputable.
Likewise, the force of love is invisible to us, but its power is in fact far greater than any of nature’s powers. The evidence of its power can be seen everywhere in the world: without love, there is no life.

Take a moment to think about it: What would the world be without love?

First of all, you wouldn’t even exist; without love you couldn’t have been born. None of your family and friends would have been born either. In fact, there wouldn’t be a single human being on the planet. If the force of love ceased today, the entire human race would decrease and eventually die out.

Every single invention, discovery, and human creation came from the love in a human heart. If it were not for the love of the Wright Brothers, we could not fly in an airplane. If it were not for the love of scientists, inventors, and
discoverers, we would not have electricity, heating, or light; nor would we be able to drive a car or use a phone, appliance, or any of the technology that makes life easier and more comfortable. Without the love of architects and builders, there would be no homes, buildings, or cities. Without love, there would be no medicines, doctors, or emergency facilities.

No teachers, schools, or education. There would be no books, no paintings, and no music, because all of these things are created from the positive force of love. Take a look around you right now. Whatever you see that is a human creation would not be there without love.

“Take away love and our earth is a tomb. ”
Robert Browning
POET

Love Is the Force That Moves You

Everything you want to be, do, or have comes from love.Without love, you wouldn’t move. There would be no positive force to propel you to get up in the morning, to work, play, dance, talk, learn, listen to music, or do anything at alL You’d be like a stone statue. It is the positive force of love that inspires you to move and gives you the desire to be, do, or have anything. The positive force of love can create anything good, increase the good things, and change anything negative in your life. You have the power over your health, your wealth, your career, your relationships, and every area of your life.

And that power – love – is inside you!

But if you have the power over your life, and that power is inside you, why isn’t your life amazing? Why isn’t every area of your Ijfe magnificent? Why don’t you have everythjng you want? Why haven’t you been able to do everything you want to do? Why aren’t you filled with joy every day?

The answer is: because you have a choice. You have a choice whether to love and harness the positive force – or not. And whether you realize it or not, every day of your life – every moment of your life – you have been making this choice. Without exception, every single time you experienced something good in your life, you loved and harnessed love’s positive force. And every single time you experienced something not good, you didn’t love, and the result was negativity. Love is the cause of all the good things in your life, and a lack of love is the cause of all the negative things and all the pain and suffering. Tragically, a lack of knowledge and understanding of the power of love is clear in people’s lives across the planet today – and in the entire history of humanity.

“Love is the most powerful and still most unknown
energy in the world. ”
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881 -1955)
PRI EST AND PHILOSOPH ER

Now, you are receiving the knowledge of the one and only power to all the good things in life, and you will be able to use it to change your entire life. But first, you must understand exactly how love works.

The Law of Love

The universe is governed by natural laws. We can fly in an airplane because aviation works in harmony with natural laws. The laws of physics didn’t change for us to be able to fly, but we found a way to work in accordance with the natural laws, and by doing so we can fly. Just as laws of physics govern aviation, electricity, and gravity, there is a law that governs love. To harness the positive force of love and change your life, you must understand its law, the most powerful law in the universe – the law of attraction.

From the greatest to the smallest – the law of attraction is what holds every star in the universe and forms every atom and molecule. The force of attraction of the sun holds the planets in our solar system, keeping them from hurtling into space. The force of attraction in gravity holds you and every person, animal, plant, and mineral on earth. The force of
attraction can be seen in all of nature from a flower attracting bees or a seed attracting nutrients from the soil, to every
living creature being attracted to its own species. The force of attraction operates through all the animals on the earth, fish in the sea, and birds in the sky, leading them to multiply and form herds, schools, and flocks. The force of attraction holds together the cells of your body, the materials of your house, and the furniture you sit on, and it holds your car to the road and the water in your glass. Every object you use is held together by the force of attraction.

Attraction is the force that draws people to other people.

It draws people to form cities and nations, groups, clubs, and societies where they share common interests. It is the force that pulls one person to science and another to cooking; it pulls people to various sports or to different styles of music, to certain animals and pets. Attraction is the force that draws you to your favorite things and places, and it’s the force that draws you to your friends and the people you love.

Love is not weak, feeble, or soft. Love is the positive force of life!
Love is the cause of everything p ositive and good.
 
Everything you want to be, do, or have comes from love.

The positive force of love can create anything good, increase
the good things, and change anything negative in your life.

Every day, in every moment, you make the choice whether to love
and harness the positive force – or not.

The law of attraction is the law of love, and it is the law that
is operating in your life.

Whatever you give out in life is what you receive back in life.
Give positivity, you receive back positivity; give negativity,
you receive back negativ ity.

Life doesn ‘t happen to you; you receive everything in your life
based on what you’ve given.

Whether your thoughts and feelings are good or bad, they return
as automatically and precisely as an echo.

People who have great lives think and talk about what they love
more than what they don’t love

Talk about the good news of the day. Talk about what you love.
And bring what you love to you.

You have an unlimited ability to think and talk about what you
love, and so you have an unlimited ability to bring everything
good in life to you

Love, because when you love you are using the greatest power
in the universe.

Image: love by ~princessambrosia

Apologizing is a choice. But all too often we convince ourselves
· It is not worth the effort
· It was all his fault
Yet like a bomb falling, unresolved resentment and unforgiven hurt eventually explodes.
Releasing a person from our own emotional grip is as beneficial to ourselves as to the person who hurt us.
However, it need not mean letting a person go scot free. Forgiveness, does not release a person from the consequences of failure.
Trust is a tender plant, and like a good relationship it must be nurtured.

So Why Apologize?

When we are hurt something inside us yearns for reconciliation- learning the art of apologizing, smoothes the road of love.
When someone does not apologize, it causes us to seek justice. So why not foster love?
In The Five Languages of Apology, Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas point out that we often favor one of five types of apology expressed with the five languages of love.

The Five Languages of apology

1. Regret “I’m sorry”

Regret focuses on what you did, or failed to do, and how it affected the other person.
Some people feel it helps them see that a person is sincere when they explain how their actions effected the person they are apologizing too.
Actually saying “I am sorry for …” whatever the offence was can go a long way – especially when their body language is congruent.
True regret does not add “ …. but ….” Even if there are extenuating circumstances leave them until later.
True regret does not use an apology to manipulate.
True regret is important in the process of healing.

2. Accepting responsibility

A true apology accepts responsibility for your actions.
Being reluctant to accept responsibility often stems from a sense of low self worth.
“We may reason, only losers confess, intelligent people try to show their actions are justified” wrote Thomas and Chapman.
It certainly is easier to blame others.
Often both sides of a relationship spat should apologize.
We feel that we have been attacked and that some chord deep within has been unjustly slandered or exaggeratedly laid bare.
Perhaps, we have issues bought on by a challenging childhood.
Yes, you do have a right to feel hurt.
No – you don’t have a right to retaliate in kind.
If your lover has some deep in ground flaw try to discuss it in terms of the language of love they predominately use
· Affirmations
· Acts of service
· Receiving and giving gifts
· Quality time
· Physical touch

3. Making restitution

‘Making things right’ answers the nagging fear of “do you still live me?” claim Thomas and chapman.
After all, when we are hurt, we often ask “If (s)he loves me, how can (s)he do that?”
“A willingness to do something to try to make up for the pain I have caused you is evidence of a true apology” wrote Andy Stanley in How Good is good enough?.
Forgiveness researcher Everett Worthington calls this ‘equalizing’ “a making up for the loss that the other person experienced” and offer to “equalize the balance of justice.”
It may require going beyond simply restoring an equal loss.

4. Genuinely Repenting

Restitution requires recognizing the destructive nature of the behavior, wanting to change, and making plans to start down the road to transformation.
Saying “I am sorry – but I refuse to change” is not a true apology.
Rather, a plan of transformation is best put in writing, so that small measurable progress can be seen and rewarded.
However, change can be costly. You may secretly like the flaw in your partner – especially if you like finding fault enjoy having something to criticize. You may have to change too!
Of course, change is not easy. You may fail in your attempts. So, be prepared quickly concede your failure, pick yourself up, and start again.

5. Forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness shows that you want to heal a relationship.
It shows that you realize you did something wrong.
However, most of us fear rejection. Asking for forgiveness means that we lose control. I cannot know if I will be forgiven or not.
We may fear failure. Asking forgiveness, may for some mean ‘sin’ equals failure. Perhaps it is better to see an error as a hurdle to overcome to become a stronger and healthier you.
Mature people recognize their fears but refuse to be held captive by those fears. If you value you relationship you will go against your fears and take the step needed to heal the relationship you cherish.
Mature people recognize that we have personality flaws but refuse to be controlled by them when they are obviously dysfunctional.
Having the conviction to ask for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It shows you value your relationship.
However, you cannot demand to be forgiven.
Being prepared to forgive is also a sign you value your relationship.
Being willing to forgive can be hard because
· Forgiveness may require you give up a quest for justice
· Forgive for actions with long lasting consequences
· Forgiveness is difficult for major or repeated offences
Forgiveness is not a small thing. So if you are not immediately forgiven, endeavor to show your love – and sincere sorrow, using the predominately used love language of your partner.
Apologizing is a choice. However, if you cherish your love life consider the words of Margaret Lee Runbeck:

“Apology is a lovely perfume;
it can transform the clumsiest moment
into a gracious gift.”

love

Someone asked me what is love
is it good, is it bad
is it awesome, is it terrible
I honestly didnt know how to answer them.
I finally desided love is the most complicated of all emotions
Love is kind
love is harsh
love is wonderful
love is terrible
love is a cure
love is a sickness
love is LOVE
love is hate
love is meaningful
love is pointless
love shows the best in people
love shows the worse in people
love makes us speak truth
love makes us lie
love understands everything
love confuses everyone
love builds your life
love tears your heart down
love makes you smile
love makes you cry
love makes us cuddle
love makes us hit
love makes the world go round
love makes the world go crashing down
love makes things simple
love makes things impossible
love is always worth it
love is never worth it
love makes us smarter
love makes us stupid
love is enlightening!
love is BLIND
make love not war
make war out of love
love encourages
love scares
love is peaceful
love creates fights
love is soothing
love is tough

…and above all
Love is always worth it
because you become a better person
everytime you love someone
from the simplest careing for a friend
to the deepest desire to love someone til the world ends
from the unconditional love of a child
to the complicated love of the gods
there is…no meaning to love
love means…everything

No matter how much it hurts you, or makes you cry
tries your spirt, and splits your soul.
Love is always worth it…because what doenst kill you
makes you stronger
And however long it takes
you will be, a better person because you lived, though love.
Werent afraid to make mistakes, choices and try again.
And…above all, loved someone no matter what people thought.
You would die for that person…but you would also live for them.
That…is the true meaning of love…

- ThornErose

Image: Love … by ~TynkaBillisek

Mens World http://fav.me/dowht8

Guest author comedy writer  Chris Murray from the UK, known as  Hayter, gives his ideas for women about men.  A Girl’s Guide to Guys II is pretty blunt – and comes with a strong lasnguage warning.

Do you agree with him?

1. We love you girls, really. It’s just that saying it out loud seems either freakish or gay and whilst we’re trying to be the metrosexual men Cosmo tells you we should be, the truth is we’re still pretty insecure about these things. So when we make a crass comment about your breasts it’s often because we simply don’t feel comfortable saying something simple like, “you look beautiful today.”

2. If we say, ‘do you want a hand with that,’ when you’re clearly struggling with something like a jar’s lid, there’s no double meaning. We’re not making fun of you because you’re weaker than us; we’re just being nice. Take a simple gesture as it was intended.

3. You don’t like to nag; we don’t like to be nagged. So let’s leave it. It’ll be done when it’s done.

4. We do make fun of you a lot; it’s true. But most of it whether it is a literate rant about how insane you are or simply a seemingly snide jab at your appearance is a sign of affection. Look at how we treat our male friends; we insult each other, argue with each other and then buy each other a pint. This is how we express true friendship. If you don’t get the drink though, odds are we do actually dislike you.

5. While on the one hand you seem obsessed with making us into ’21st century men’ obsessed with waxing, fine dining and manicures, on the other you profess your attraction to both hulking specimens of raw manhood and also skinny students with bad facial hair. Is it any wonder we get confused as to how you want us to act?

6. We know you like attention but leading us on by flirting without intent is just mean. We really are too stupid to work out you just want to be friends by picking up on ‘signals.’ Tell us straight. Then flirt with us anyway because after you’ve said it properly, our hopes are no longer up and it’s still good fun.

7. If we have to change for the modern world, so do you. Let’s hear it for equal rights and mutual respect. Alongside this, let’s hear one of you ask us out more than once in a blue moon because we’re getting tired of doing all the leg work, ladies.

8. Lots of us like sport. Some of us like it a lot. So let’s say we make a deal. You have your girly nights every now and a while. Plump down and watch Sex and the City. If Kim Cattral has a sex scene we may even watch it with you. In return though, let us have the football on at the weekend. This really is one of the important things in our lives.

9. We want to impress you; more than this we want you to tell us we’ve impressed you. Trouble is, we think you’ll be impressed by the things that impress us, namely prowess in sport, biting wit or any other generic display of masculinity. We simply don’t understand why you don’t appreciate these things as much as we do.

10. We have bloke nights out so understand completely when you want to go downtown with the girls. But do you honestly expect anyone to hit on you when you’re surrounded by the chattering nancies? Fair enough, you might not want to go out alone, but a solitary friend once in a while, eh? Is that too much to ask?

11. After we have an argument with you and retreat into a moody silence, it’s because we don’t want a lengthy confrontation so don’t complain about it; would you rather we just shouted at you instead? We’ll come around eventually with a casual and unrelated question at which point you know we want to move on. You could even consider this an apology in some situations.

12. Okay, if you’re now moaning about real apologies, it’s different for us than it is for you. All you have to do is flutter your eyelids, purse your lips and say, ‘sowee’ in a falsetto voice. We can’t do that and a level toned ‘sorry’ either sounds nonchalant or just pathetic.

13. Telling you how we feel is not easily done. It’s hard enough when we’re with our close male friends. The unspoken rules of manhood dictate that we may only display three emotions in public: Anger, Surprise and Joy, all buttoned with obscenities. Getting past this is far from easy, however stupid it may seem to you. Telling someone we’re upset… Well that’s nigh on impossible.

14. Men are problem solvers by nature. What this means is when you tell us your woes, we’ll tell you how to deal with them whether you want us to or not. We may not always be right, but we believe in action so if you want a sympathetic ear, find a girl. We know the answer to your troubles and if you won’t listen then that’s your own problem.

15. Apologies in advance for staring at your breasts. Most of the time we honestly don’t know we’re doing it. That being said, if you wear a plunging neckline and low slung necklace, you’re really asking for it, aren’t you?

16. When we’re attracted to you, it’s because of who you are at the moment and we expect the same in return. Don’t get with us because you see, ‘the man we could be.’ Don’t try and make us change because we’ll resent you for it and the subsequent failure will hurt us all.

17. We’ve made a plan, here’s the plan, let’s follow the plan and for God’s sake don’t be late! You wanted to do the shopping today so let’s get it over and done with. Now.

18. If you want something, ask for it. Don’t drop hints, don’t be subtle. You should have guessed now that we either can’t or won’t indulge in such behaviour.

19. You know by now that showing emotion isn’t easy for us so you should get that when we say, ‘I love you,’ we want to mean it. When we’re ready we’ll come out with it but don’t force it out of us because then the phrase is worthless and who wants that? While we’re here, the phrase, ‘I fucking love you,’ whilst drunk doesn’t count.

20. Don’t ever agree to ‘freebie’ sex outside of a relationship. Whilst you might pick Brad Pitt or Jonny Depp in an amused, ‘it’s never going to happen’ way, we’ll pick more realistic targets. Then we’ll go for it.

21. If we’re inappropriate towards women or strangers; maybe if we’re starting down a slippery slope, tell us, but do it when we’re alone. When we begin to leave the room (see rule #11) persevere because it’s the only way you’ll get through to us. If you really want an inside tip, turn on the waterworks. It’s an old trick, but it still works most of the time. Just don’t overdo it because that’ll just annoy us.

22. Don’t ask a question about your appearance unless you want the truth because half the time, no, the dress doesn’t make your bum look big. Fishing for compliments and white lies is one of the least attractive things you do. Just be yourself; that’s why we liked you in the first place.

23. Trying to convince us you’re bisexual by kissing another girl only works with the stupidest men. Don’t let that stop you though.

24. Say you want to go for a meal, ask us where we want to go and we say, ‘I’m not bothered,’ don’t assume we don’t like the idea. Unless we say otherwise we’d love to dine out with you but the company’s what’s important, not the locale.

25. Don’t expect a response to every single text you send, particularly if most are asinine. We have jobs, we have responsibilities and we have phone bills; all are more important than replying to, ‘What did you have for lunch?”

Aphrodite

“When a women has sex on a first date she will feel he will view her like a slut.” Pardon the language, the words are not mine. They belong to seduction teacher David Shade.

She does not expect him to call back. If he does she probably won’t answer the call, he says.

A man must make the conscious decision that to have a woman want to have sex with him on the first date is an insult because she does not view him as worth knowing after the fling.

Yet guys often chase one night flings because they have to prove themselves. Instead they give all the power to the woman.

A man must be able to command respect and have a woman take him seriously if she is to respond to him sexually.

But women like bad boys don’t they?

Yes – and this is where a man must have a belief about men, women and his attractiveness, knowledge of what to do and a sense of dominance – of being an Alpha Male.

Women are highly sexual beings, says Shade, they are also very social.

At work, in public, in the home, they demand respect and can be dominating in the cut and thrust of life. In public, social rules matter to women.

In the bedroom they want to forget social approval. Be a nice guy in public and a bad boy in bed.

Shade even suggests that secretive sexual behavior in public – as long as it does not break the social rules of the situation as seen by others can be very alluring to women.

This is where shade, a hypnotist, teaches men to leverage sexuality with women while not sleeping with them on the first date.

He teaches men to be able to make a date sexually charged without getting physical.  The woman will fantasize about the man, he says, and on the next date this sexuality is leveraged even more, and again on a third date.

Women’s sexuality is entirely mental, he says.

Leverage the art of mental seduction and when the night comes you will both be highly aroused and still have not crossed her social boundaries.

It may not be politically correct. However, according to shade, the most dominant business woman will want to be sexually submissive in bed.

Outside of the bedroom, treat her with the utmost of respect. Then, in the context of heightened sexuality, says Shade, she will allow you to treat her as sex object, or use dirty talk.

According to Shade, a woman wants to be ‘slutty’ but not feel like a slut. In other words, she wants to be a sexual animal but wants you the man to give her permission. That way she does not contravene her social conditioning.

He claims it is in women’s DNA to prefer a dominant Alpha Male.

This is why being a bad boy and a nice guy works in different specific situations.

David Shade was himself a nice guy, was divorced and then swung into being a full Bad Boy. However, he noticed that while it attracted women – and sex – it was wearing on the women.

He also realized that many of the bad boy types has seen their fathers abuse their women, were chasing one night stands with women who were effectively their whore, but were unable to integrate  this  relationship with the mother figure woman who was there for procreation.

They were also paranoid that they would lose a girl to other bad boys the same way they had stolen women from men.

To be true to himself, David Shade realized you could be socially nice but also satisfy the animal yearnings that reside in every woman.

But then as a Renegade Sex Expert, David Shade has no qualms to give The Politically Incorrect Answers
About Women & Sexuality and still let you have real relationship with a woman .

In the bedroom social rules do not apply they want to forget social approval. Be a nice guy in public and a bad boy in bed.

Image: Aphrodite by *InertiaK

The Russian Dance

Guest writer Rori Raye reminds us that when you are giving yourself over
to the sensual experience of simply being with a man and in
touch with your surroundings we are irrisistable to him.

By: Rori Raye

Contrary to what we women have been taught, men actually love it when we express our feelings.  Because they are “thinking” creatures, our ability to be feminine and emotional is what attracts men and mesmerizes them.  It’s true.   When we’re in touch with our feelings and express them in a non-dramatic, non-blaming way, a man melts and we are very attractive to him.  He then feels safe to get in touch with his own feelings and share them with us.

So how do we really feel our feelings in a way that works for attracting men?  One of the easiest, most enjoyable ways is to make sensual activities a daily habit – a part of your life.  This way, being a sensual creature becomes second nature to you.  A great way to do this is to get out your art supplies and try this simple Tool I created.

How To Attract Him By Getting In Touch With You

1.  Get a simple piece of paper and a pencil—the softer the pencil, the better.

2.  Pick a time when you have at least 1/2 hour to yourself this first time (You only need 10 minutes after you get the hang of it), and put yourself somewhere where no one will bother you, talk to you, or call you.

3.  Find a table and a chair, clear off the table, and put a few simple objects on it – an apple, a cup, a vase – large, simple shapes.

4.  Sit down, and shake out your arms.

5.  Hold the pencil lightly for now, and just look at the objects.

6.  Pick one of the objects.  Really, really look at it.  What we’re doing here is changing the way you see things, the way you look at things, and slowing down the process of how you see and experience things.

7.  As you look at the object, move your hand easily over the paper without touching the pencil down, without drawing anything.

8.  Really look at that object.  See if you can see the entire shape of it, like it’s all one shape.  Now look at the detail of it – see if you can see how the light hits it, where the shine is, how the curves curve, what it’s like where the object meets the table.

9.  Now just touch your pencil down to the paper, and let it draw the whole shape of the object lightly without lifting up the pencil. Keep your hand flowing, and don’t worry about what your drawing looks like.

10.  Now slowly notice the smaller details about the object – a curve, a shadow, a shape, a shine – and sort of draw it. Just explore it on the page for longer than you normally would.

11.  This is almost like touching the object, only you’re doing it pencil to paper.  Don’t worry about getting anything “right.”

12.  Now – here’s the “therapy” part:  I want you to notice if you’re tense in your shoulders, and if you’re trying to “accomplish” anything.  Notice if you’re worried about the time, or the foolishness of this, or if you feel like you’re in a hurry to get a picture done and “done right.”

13.  Breathe.  Slow your hand down on the paper; slow your mind down by just focusing on the object.

14. If you have time, move your attention to one of the other objects, and follow the same steps.

Now, how do you use this to attract a man?

Let’s say you go to a party, or a restaurant, or a bar. There are lots and lots of people around, it’s noisy, and it even feels overwhelming.

First, see the room as a whole, just the way you did the object.  If you were to draw it, there would be one big space with lots of small movement in it.

Then if one man (or the man you’re with) comes close, see him as both a detail of the space – the way you did the curve of the cup or the angle of the teapot handle you were drawing – and then as a whole.

“Take him in” the way you took in the object you were drawing.

Now look at all his details – his eyes, his mouth, his hair – just observe and BE WITH him and his details the way you’ve practiced being with the objects you’ve been drawing.

Slow down.  Breathe, smile.  Experience.

The idea is that you are giving yourself over to the sensual experience of simply being with a man and in touch with your surroundings.  You are fully in the moment, and, more importantly, not in your head.  When you’re in touch with your senses and can share your feelings with a man, you will connect to his heart in a very powerful way that is irresistibly attractive to him.

About the Author

You may know me, and so you know I’m a trained coach, I was a crisis counselor, and I have a wonderful private practice as a relationship coach with women who I develop all my tools on and who give me permission to share their stories with you – they all use my Tools, and so do I – every day. If you want to know more about me read my personal relationship advice blog or visit my Facebook page

Article Source:  The Art of Attracting Men

image: The Russian Dance. by ~UngefaehreLandschaft

the kiss by ~czochanska

What makes a a kiss worth dying for?

Even animals do it – or appear too –  and in culture where kissing is taboo couples blow, lick, suck, or rub their partner’s face before enjoying the more intimate moments of love.

While 90% of cultures brush lips together it was not until 2007 that Susan Hughes, from Albright College in Pennsylvania, decided to ask what makes us weak at the knees.

The average guy and girl have kissed 14 people in their life. I guess that meant romantically. Only 20% have kissed more than 20.

It is no surprise that girls used kissing to assess guy as they as away to assess how they will  initiate, maintaining, and monitor the temperature of their love life. for guys its more about increasing the likelihood of bedroom fun.

In her study,  Sex Differences in Romantic Kissing Among College Students: An Evolutionary Perspective, Hughes had 1041 students answer one of three questionnaires about their kissing preferences, styles, attitudes and behaviors.

• About 50% of men would have sex without kissing their partner first; only 10% of women would do so.

• However, that would be more likely with a short-term partner rather than long term.

• Men want to kiss a girl with an attracitve face someone while women focus more on a guys teeth before deciding if they will kiss him.
• However, guys still liketo check out herfigure, weight and other enticing physical features.
• Women rated a person’s breath as more important when deciding to kiss or continue to kiss
• Kissing seems to be more important before sex and much less afterward.
• Both sexes thought a greater bond was created by kissing after sex with a long-term partner than a short-term partner.
• Overall, kissing is more important for women than for men for satisfying sex.
• 70.1% men thought kissing a romantic partner could end a fight but only 58.0% of girls.
• Men prefer wetter kisses with more tongue than do women.
• Women prefer wet kisses from long term partners, guys like wet kisses in long and short term relationshiops.
• Both sexes preferred tongue kissing with long-term partners.
• Men are more than twice as likely to have sex with a bad kisser than are women.
• 59% of men and 66% of women have been put off by a potential partner’s kiss at some point in their romantic lives.
• Girls were more jealous than males when their long-term partner kissed someone of the opposite sex on the lips or with their tongue.

Perfect Harmony by *artsaves1228

So Why do we kiss?

There have been three main theories as to why we pucker up:

1. Kissing as a Mate Assessment Device
2. Kissing Induces Bonding
3. Kissing Increases Sexual Arousal and Receptivity

The research found evidence for all three ideas.

That women are fussier about kissing before sex suggests option 1. Previous research reminds us the obvious fact that girls wanted physical contact, hugging, and sensuous kissing.

“At the moment of a kiss, there is an exceedingly rich and complex exchange of postural, tactile, and chemical cues” note the study authors.  The subtle, at times obvious and even subliminal signals sent in a kiss reveal details of a man’s health and help a girl assess his level of commitment.

The research pointed to a previously a Gallup survey asked “Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone, only to discover after kissing them for the first time that you were no longer interested?”

59% of men and 66% of women answered yes.

An initial kiss can have a profound effect on the future of that relationship.

Perhaps kissing may activate evolved mechanisms that function to discourage reproduction among individuals who could be genetically incompatible, they said.

So what makes a good kiss?

For men a “good kiss” is when their partner lets them initiate tongue contact.

Since saliva and breath odor change across the menstrual cycle, exchanging saliva may provide subtle information about a female’s reproductive status, conclude the scientists. Men are less sensitive to detecting subtle chemical changes and may need more saliva to asses a woman.

It is also possible that wet kisses allow men to hormones or proteins into women’s mouths that may subtly influence her psychology. Men also perceive increased moisture when kissing as a sign she is more receptive to him.

While both sexes preferred more tongue contact kissing a long term lover this is also true when kissing for the first time someone intended for a short term fling, probably because it increases arousal.

But kissing also draws a couple closer, Kissing before love is more important for long term lovers.

Contrast that with the advice to woman of the night Vivian in Pretty women – never kiss a guy on the face. Otherwise you might fall for him.

However, this may be unconscious. Both sexes agreed kissing bonded a couple, yet intellectually they would not begin a long term relationship just because of a good kiss.

Women want kisses to induce bonding and are far less likely to kiss a guy they know is only after sex. It seems that men arelmore likely to kiss before but  demonstrate an emotional shift after sex.

However, men are more likely to kiss and make up to rebuild a bond after a fight.

The ability to kiss is an impotent ingredient of a “a good lover” for both men and women. Kissing styles that enhance salivary exchange are seen as a way to increase the arousal of a partner.

“Overall, women place a greater importance on kissing not only to make more judicious mate assessments,” concluded the study.”but for those in committed relationships kissing is used (wittingly or not) to update, monitor, and assess the status of their partner’s continuing commitment (or lack thereof) to the relationship”

“Males tend to employ romantic kissing as a means of increasing sexual receptivity and gaining sexual access, to affect conflict resolution, and to possibly monitor the fertility of his mate.”

Images: Perfect Harmony by *artsaves1228 and the kiss by ~czochanska