The Poem of Huizhen

The Poem of Huizhen

A thin moon pierces the window lattice
and firefly lights appear in the jade sky.
Where the far sky begins is all silky distance.
The low trees emerge as a dark blur of green.
Dragon songs swirl through the courtyard bamboo
as phoenix songs touch parasol trees by the well.
Thin fog descends like silk gauze.
In slight wind the sound of jade rings is heard.
The Royal Mother of the West trails a dark red train.
Her maids carry cloud-shaped jade in their hands.
Deep in the night, people all are quiet.
Our meeting is like dawn, though rain is drizzling.
Pearl light shines from her decorated shoes,
flowers peek from her embroidered clothes,
her jeweled hairpin is a colored phoenix,
and her silk shawl covers a red rainbow.
She says she’s from Yao Hua Garden
and is on pilgrimage to the Jade Emperor’s palace.
Because she took a tour to Luo City
she happened to come here, east of Song family.
When I flirt with her she resists at first.
but soft feelings already secretly connect us.
When she bows her hair it seems the shadows of cicadas move.
As she walks about her jade stocking are gilded with dust.
When she turns it’s like snowflakes swirling.
On the bed we embrace through silk
and like Mandarin ducks dance with our necks twined.
Like two kinds of jade, we go well together,
though her dark eyebrows knit frequently in shyness.
Her warm red lips feel like they are melting.
I taste her breath like a fragrant orchid,
her creamy skin, her full jade flesh.
She feels strengthless, unable to move even a wrist,
though she’s so sensitive that her body tenses.
The light of her sweat is like pearls.
Her tangled hair is loose and black.
Happiness like this comes once in a thousand years.
But now we hear the fifth beat of the night drum.
We want to stay, but time is scarce,
We are so close that it is hard to stop.
Her face is sorrow
and her words promise faithfulness.
She gives me ring to remember this time,
ties a knot, to say our hearts are twined.
Her tears drop on the mirror
and around the guttering lamp insects swirl.
The dawn light comes slowly
and the rising sun starts to show.
She flies back to Luo on the back of a crane
and plays a vertical flute on Song Mountain.
My clothes are fragrant as if dyed with musk.
There are red stains still on the pillow.
Standing in front of the grass in the pond,
my thoughts are floating far away.
I hear a harp crying and complaining like a crane.
gaze at the clear River of Stars and hope to see her crane returning.
But the ocean is too broad to cross
and the sky is too high to soar above,
so like a floating cloud with nowhere to go
I walk back inside the tower.

by Yuan Zhen (779-831)

Translated by Tony Barnstone

professor of English at Whittier College.

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Old Khaki 04.preview Why Do Men Fantasize?

Talking about sexual fantasies, especially with someone besides the lover besides you, is usually taboo.

Nancy Friday, discussed female fantasies in her book My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies. She relates sharing a sexually uninhibited love life with a male who enjoyed their living out their fantasies.

In the throes of passion her lover asked her what she was thinking. Honestly she answered describing her fantasy.

The man up and left.

Men seem to have a double standards when it comes to fantasies.

Admittedly, I believe that true passion is achieved by fully focusing in the moment, with your partner, not on an external toy or lost in some dream.

However, it seems many men still have sex more in their heads than with their bodies. As in life, many men are detached from their feelings.

According to the The Kinsey Institute 91% of men fantasize during sex and 45% think of sex every day.

However, the most common fantasy is not about seducing the scantily clad cheer leader or a woman in uniform – it’s having sex with a loved partner.

It seems there are a lot of myths and a team of researchers are out to debunk them.

A team of psychologists led by Dr Mitch Waterman at Leeds University is conducting the definitive, anonymous and confidential survey of the fantasies of men aged between 18 and 90.

In an article on TimesOnline, according to Dr. Mitch Waterman and Tamara Tuner-Moore – a psychologist and Ph.D. student who plans to conduct a definitive study of male sexual fantasy at Leeds University

“Research suggests that the most common sexual fantasy in men is a conventional fantasy such as sex with a loved partner,” says Turner-Moore, a PhD student involved in the study. The loved person may be a former lover.

Waterman us cautious about such claims  and wants to find out if men secretly fantasize about others.

The report in asks the following questions:

“Bestiality, paedophilia and rape, in other words. This is where sexual fantasy has the potential to cross over from the titillating to the terrifying, where the amusing sexual foibles and fetishes documented by the likes of Cosmopolitan and Maxim become disturbing tales of sexual preoccupations leading to criminal behaviour.

“What, if anything, distinguishes a man who likes his wife to dress up as a schoolgirl in consensual sex from a man who grooms under-age schoolgirls for sordid encounters? The researchers will also record the thoughts of sexual offenders, who have turned illicit fantasy into illegal reality.”

While, there is little point about feeding fears that every fantasy will be acted on, the link between fantasy and sexually inappropriate actions needs further research.

What fantasies mean is debated by psychological schools.

“Evolutionary psychologists have suggested that sexual fantasies contribute to the facilitation of sexual arousal, which, in turn, facilitates procreation” says Waterman“Thus sexual fantasies may play an important, previously unrecognized, role in the continued propagation of the human species.”

However Freudian psychology claims “that our fantasies may have developed as a means both of gratifying wishes and conquering intrusive memories of early traumatic experiences (during childhood).”

A 2007 study by researcher Juan Carlos Sierra Freire of the University of Granada highlighted the importance of sexual fantasies in sexuality.

Having sex without desire may negatively affect the stages of sexual response.

“This first stage is the most complex because it is influenced by many factors”, said Freire. He Sexual desire is influenced by social, psychological, and neurophysiologic aspects and proper neurohormonal activity with a right sexual stimulation is required to experience sexual desire.

Freire stated that education on sexual stimulation and response may helppeople find sex more pleasurable and reduce sexual dysfunction.

Time will tell if the Leeds University study will contribute to increasing understanding of sexuality.

However, information and knowledge cannot replace the efforts of a loving couple to experience a deep, intimate and spiritual connection inspiring ecstatic intimacy.

I still believe that the ultimate passion comes from going within and sharing deep intimacy.

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rembrandt Is Passion Dead In America?

Love is not just for the young, at least not in the USA.

It seems that the Americans want to compete with the French – again. This time about love. (You might think they forgot that France went bust and fell to a revolution because they helped finance the American Revolution).

A French study found that 71% of French men and women aged 50 to 64 claimed to currently in love. So the Americans did their own survey and 63% of Americans over 65 claimed love, compared to 46% French.

Fortunately, the 81% French (81%) and the 75% of American’s studies (75%) responded that they had indeed had at least one great love in their life. More men claim to have found morethan one true love.

Only 3% claim they do not believe in true love.

The study was conducted via the Internet by GfK Roper Custom Research North America late August and Early September 2009. Interviews were conducted from among a nationally representative sample of 2,009 adults age 18 and older.

73% of Americans claim to be somewhat in love, 31% are passionately in love and 68% 0f 50-to 64 year olds are somewhat in love.

Perhaps the Americans are more in love, but I think it’s frightening how dispassionate they are about it.

Unlike Romeo and Juliet, very few will make lifestyle changes for love. Of those who are prepared to give it all for love, 43% said they would to leave their profession, 39% their country and 25% change their religion.

So are the national differences great? According to AARP:

77% claim “true love can exist without a radiant sex life.” The French: 35%

(What is a radiant sex life anyway? How do you statistically quanify that?)

80% say it’s “not at all likely” they’d leave their mate. The French: 67%

15% are willing to alienate family and friends for love. The French: 23%

75% believe they’ve encountered the love of their life. The French: 81%

30% could fall head over heels in love. The French: 22%

81% wouldn’t convert to another religion for love. The French: 90%

While the majority claim that romance is important in a relationship only 42% claim it is essential. 34% say romance grows more important over time.

21% you cannot be in love with someone and have a crush on another but 40% admit to the experience and  6% admitted being in that predicament.

 Is Passion Dead In America?

It may seem noble that Americans claim love can exist apart from sex. However, professor Pepper Schwartz, writing in Psychology Today, suggests “I think there are a lot of Americans who WANT to separate sex and love, in fact, put them in different counties with no main roads connecting them.”

What if sickness, disability, lack of interest induced by anti-depressants or by a drug like a heart or diabetes medication? Afterall, other surveys reveal that a man is six times as likely as a woman to leave a sick mate.

Men and women between 50- 64 felt strongly that sex is part of love.

“Still, if couples start to think of great sex as optional, it’s easier to let sex become lackluster and drift in to a residual category” said Schwartz.

Swartz notes that “like all great accomplishments, great sex requires intentionality, creativity, time and prioritization”.

Afterall, research proves that sexually satisfied women are more vital.

“Love may survive a mediocre or even absent sex life- but in general, I’d say, if you want to protect your relationship, be a little more ambitious about what happens in your bedroom” said Schwartz.

So are Americans answering the what they as they believe they should? Or is it that the French are just honest and more in touch with the fickle side of human love?

The study will be published in February edition of AARP Magazine, but can be downloaded here.

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vegetables Veges and Sex

Researches may have shown that eating vege’s gives you a more sexually alluring glow than a tan, but can vege’s really you love life a seductive boost?

History is full claimed aphrodisiacs. Some foods contain nutrients that may help sexual function while others are nothing more than a placebo, called sexy because of a sinuous seductive feminine curve or supposed thrusting masculine.

Certainly, a  lack of zinc can cause infertility, impotence and a low sperm count while alcohol can relax you. B2 and Folic acid help with conception.

On the other hand, too much coffee can  zap your libido to zero and being overweight can dull your desire and effect fertility and potency. Weight reduction can increase testosterone production in man.

Relaxation is key to passion arousing and lasting love. In our fast paced modern life, a good B vitamin intake can reduce stress and enhance a tranquil disposition.

While hormonal problems contribute to low libido and sexual dysfunction so do stress, relationship issues and psychological issues.

In our highly medicated society, may find that some antidepressants can negatively affect sexual desire.

Vitamin A encourages healthy epithelial tissues that line body surfaces, including the vagina and uterus in women.

500-1000 milligrams of vitamin C a day may increase the quantity and quality of sperm. It may also reduce abnormalities like ‘agglutination’ where sperm becomes stick together preventing them from reaching the ovum.

The ovum is protected by the antioxidant vitamin E. The antioxidants in vegetables may help prevent cervical cancer.

“From an erection standpoint, anything that’s good for your heart is good for your penis,” says Dr. John Mulhall, director of the Sexual Medicine Program at New York Presbyterian and associate professor of urology at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University.

Selenium helps produces healthy ova and sperm and oestrogen production , essential for female fertility, requires manganese. Phytoestrogens found in soy also help and soy helps binds estrogen receptors that help lubricate the vagina and combat menopausal symptoms and is beneficial to the prostrate.

However, “who have a history of should not eat large amounts of soy, because  the binding of estrogen receptors actually increases the risk of reoccurrence” of breast cancer.

Fatty Acids like Linoleic acid are needed for sperm production. Food in high Omega-3 fatty acids  like mackerel, salmon and wild salmon improve  nervous system function. Along with minerals these help improve neural and blood circulation.

L-Arginine, improves erectile sexual function in men. In woman, erectile tissue is stimulated in the clitoris and the tissue surrounding the vulva.

Ok, I hear you say, you want to spice things up, not just keep the sexual machine in good order.

As Leonore Tiefer, and newviewcampaign.org, challenge the distorted and oversimplified messages about sexuality that the pharmaceutical industry relies on to sell its new drugs.

There is a difference, of course, between helping sexual dysfunction and arousing our passions.

“Every year, we review the literature on these compounds — these nutraceuticals like nitric oxide and ginseng — and there are none that have really been shown to be more than a placebo” said Mulhall.

He suggests the placebo effect accounts for 30 percent of improvements in men and around 50 percent in women.

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