As I return south, enjoying my pushbike along the Queensland coast there is an absolute beauty in the moment – Its nearly midnight, and the refreshing cool is buffed by a light southerly that followed a hot humid storm.
As I pass a popular beach, sprawled on the soft low tide sand two young lovers are abandoned in their love. Looking down lovingly into the eyes of the man laying beneath her, the modally bikini clad girl could be in a scene from a romance novel.
In a small community, its nice to see your friends find true love. There is more than just lust in Leanne and Greg’s relationship. It’s hard to comprehend that this couple, who met online, could be such perfect soul mates.
I quickly retreat, so lost in their love, they are nearly oblivious to the fact that although secluded, there are more clothes tossed besides them than remain between them.
How can people be so lucky online?
I don’t know the world figures. In the USA 22 million Americans joined dating sites like Match.com, Eharmony and Yahoo Personals in 2008, up 10% from the previous year. and the numbers keep growing.
As Online Dating has become more mainstream, research tells us that it is not the sad and desperate who inhabit the net. Online Dating has become part of the network to find ourselves in the love of another.
Just as there are true romantics, and pickup artists in th real world, so there are online.
So how can I turn my online dating experience from posting digital pickup lines to a search for true love?
When a man meets a woman –it’s not the cute pickup phrase that makes or breaks the relationship. It’s what you say next. Online, your headline may get attention, but it’s the email you send that will sort you’re out from the pack.
Afterall, half the guys cast a wide net, throwing out dozens of emails to see what happens.
If you’re a girl with a miss universe profile you probably receive so many emails from hormone driven guys how is she suppose to weed out the jerks?
You need to get attention while offering her the security that you’re not a scammer trying to get her email.
Finding Your Soulmate Online
Focus on finding someone who shares your interests. This has been the secret behind the eHarmony dating service. Opposites attract, but similarities merge as one
Most sites allow you to use a keyword search So if you are a life member of Harry Connick Jr’ s fan club search for a fellow fan? A classical music buff? Or do you like art shows ans poetry?
Use Keword Search to find someone with similar interests. This can be more productive than the generic – guys within 20 kilometers from your home address method.
So what is your life’s passion? You attract the man of your dreams you need to know yourself.
If the list of potential candidates is a mile long them narrow the search further.
Getting attention
Your wading through a hundred emails and this guy has “Hi..” in the headline.
You hit the delete button.
A successful email gets attention, is short, focuses on your shared interests and breaks the ice. Be honest about your intentions, show your personality and invite and ask open ended questions.
“So you’re a Taylor Swift fan – so am I” is far more likely to at least get looked at!
Or “You work at a museum? How does someone get into that profession?”
You want her to feel good about wanting to invite them to check out your profile. However, you also need to stand out.
While winks or emoticons can be an icebreaker, nothing can take the place of a personalized email. This is why you must focus on your shared interests.
Don’t tell her she’s a knock out
She may look like Jessica Alba or Jennifer Hawkins, and every second email from some guy is likely telling her that too.
Sure girls like to be told there beautiful –especially by someone they know. How can a complement be sincere if you really don’t know a person? The best compliments come when they are not expected, or when everyone else is doing them.
Avoid stupid platitudes or boring introductions like “Hi. How are you?”.
Base your email around a common interest you both share
This shows that you took the time to read his profile properly
So you’re a Beyonce fan! Pleasure to meet you. I saw perform live about 2 years ago …. Have you ever …………..?”
This shows your common passion and your question shows you’re interested in hearing his opinion.
Contrast that with “tell me about yourself” “and “What is your favorite color?” Boring questions kill an email. If you check out his profile properly the chances are that is already covered anyway.
Personalize the email . A cut and paste email telling them “it looks like we have common interests’ won’t cut it. It shows you don’t value him as a unique individual.
Don’t get hung up about sounding fabulous. Write about the common interests mentioned in her profile and invite them to check your profile.
Keep it short
Sending an email that’s longer than a paragraph is a waste of time: both yours and your match’s.
Remember, this person does not know you, so don’t expect them to want to read a massive monologue. Long emails are great from close friends – not strangers.
Keeping it short does not mean cutting the blurb from your profile. If you have nothing extra to offer on your profile you appear shallow. People want to see if you are a person of substance.
Don’t ask for a sexy photo of her! Or her favorite sexual position or fantasy and ban four letter words.
Your purpose is to create a great first impression and get the person to check your profile. So write in the same way that you speak.
I know many of us have learned the formal business writing style of the past. However, few realize that that was once how people spoke (check out the book Moby Dick and you see the formal speech of captain Ahab!)
End with a confident no pressure chance to your profile
There are cyber criminals out there fishing for emails so don’t plead for an email or phone number.
If you go for the trouble of developing a shared interest, your initiative is likely to at least get a look-in.
Still you do need to sell yourself. Whatever you do avoid self depreciating comments like “”If you’re not interested , that’s OK. Good luck with your search!”
Your only telling him you are expecting rejection, and that you lack confidence. Confidence attracts, self pity is a turn off.
So end your email with an upbeat remark.
How about ”anyone who is a member of the Leona Lewis Fan club has to be a great person. Check out my profile – we may have gone to the same concerts…”
Finally, remember the golden rule. If you want people to reply to you, then have the courtesy to reply to back. If you are not interested then please courteously reply and explain why. Perhaps you could prepare a basic email that you can modify when you explain why you are not interested or why you are looking for a different type of person.
Of course, be gentle.
The Basis of True Passion
When and Leanne and Greg met their mutual passions were obvious to all. Yes they have a sex life to die for, they truly love each other.
Who doesn’t dream of a passionate moment on the beach?
While my surprise bumping in on them may encourage them to seek more secluded future encounters, their love is based on a deep matching of soul and purpose.
This is not just short term animal lust. Their passion is fed by their mutual love in personal growth and in helping each other to be the best they possibly can be.
Passion is fed by that mutual commitment and shared love.
When looking online for love, know your passions, find someone who shares them and build a mutually supportive love together.
