Seduction. passion and communication is an art, and art requires time, energy and creativity.
Teasing, connecting and discovering is at once a physical, spiritual and bonding experience.
We long for those sweet soft conversations of intimacy and union. Beautiful soft glances, gentle kisses, whispers tender touches in the most delightful of places.
Then for some the passion dies. Claiming the relationship no longer nourishes them they drift off to someone else or settle for bland, unsatisfying sex.
We all know of people who have become almost too comfortable with each other. They enjoy security, yet yearn for a return to lusty passion and desire.
Perhaps it has happened even to you.
So can you return novelty of lusty young love top your long term love?
You could try chili and chocolate, if you are to believe the movie Chocolat. Or you could awaken the dormant sexual energy eithin with the power of, and personal transformation found in, Tantra.
Psychologist Anastas Harris her partner of 23 years, naturopath Steven Vogue, have applied the power of Tantra to develop a technique the connects the physical appreciation with the heart.
In a new relationship curiosity motivates you to be give very intense attention and to be very focused and present. The increased security in a long term relationship can cause us to relax our guard and think about other things and less on developing appreciation for our lover.
“When you first get together have a lot of the Phenethylamine happening and it creates that intense feeling of romance and sexual longing and it lasts only about 6 months” said Anastas Harris “and then you become having more and more oxytocin which is cuddling snuggling eating sleeping together this is the oxytocin type.”
At first, the hormone phenethylamine excites a romantic connection of falling in love. Later, the comfort and bonding hormone oxytocin encourages us to cuddle, snuggle, eat and sleep together, sharing your dreams, helping each other. All things good for a long term relationship.
Perhaps this why, although opposites may attract – at first – similarities hold us together.
“Once people are in a committed relationship, it is primarily personality similarity that influences marital happiness” said researchers Psychologist Eva C. Klohnen, Ph.D. and graduate student Shanhong Luo, M.A. of the University of Iowa.
“Being in a committed relationship entails regular interaction and requires extensive coordination in dealing with tasks, issues, and problems of daily living”
“People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values, and beliefs and even marry them – at least in part – on the basis of this similarity because attitudes are highly visible and salient characteristics, and they are fundamental to the way people lead their lives.”
Yet if our hormonal response changes over time, what can we do?
How can we beat the hormonal shift that comes with time?
Harris and Vogue admit they learned from necessity.
Speaking on Personal life Media recently, they explain that familiarity can be a problem in a relationship because you get busy with life and you feel you know everything about your partner.
You have heard and experienced what each other had to say over and over again, said Harris.
Being unsure of how a new relationship will work out can add to the novelty. The excitement of wondering how she will respond to a touch that can easily dwindle as we see in a gradualness.
Harris suggests that the problem is that because you know that they accept you unconditionally you relax and become less intensely focused on the person.
Reawakening the passion requires a paradigm shift says Harris. However, it must be a conscious choice.
Success depends on understanding the degree that you are very present and focused in your relationship, it will be more intense.
“When it is more intense it will grab you attention more.”
“Then you get all the benefit of the short term relationship with it’s novelty” said Harris.
The intensity and aliveness comes from the degree of the intensity and aliveness of your attention and how focused it is she said. Add appreciation to this focus and you rediscover what is good and beautiful and valuable in your partner.
Your gripes are no longer important.
Stephen Vogue describes a stressful scenario, perhaps after an argument. Tantra teaches taking responsibility for your feelings so he offer this practice.
“First of all look into each other’s eyes and just become aware through looking eye gazing” he said “then we would put our hands on each other s heart”
“My right hand would go on her heart and her right hand would go on my heart” and the remaining hands cover the hands.”
Looking into each other s eyes, with hands over the heart, take a moment in silence. Appreciate your lover.
Then whoever it comes to first to speak will start off with some appreciation of your lover and express what is good and right about them.
If you take time to at least take some time once a day to truly appreciate and adore your beloved as you really tune in to your heart you will appreciate the beauty that is there.
You will again win each other’s heart and feeds your love.
This sounds almost New Age. What you focus on you get, what you put your attention on you receive, what you appreciate, appreciates.
However, sex itself reawakens the Phenethylamine.
“In other words, you can you can bypass that motivation to creating the experience then you will recreate that passion and the love with each other” said Vogue. Rather than waiting for the mood, you can create it.
Sex can be a physical, spiritual and bonding experience simultaneously. Desire can be created and enhanced by Tantric practice. Rather than quench desire, desire, passion and sexual intensity grow through Tantric sexual practice.
Also, tantric can is an arousing subconscious sexual ‘tonic’ that helps balance hormones, improve sexual function and increase libido.
In sacred, soulful and Tantric sexuality your relationship is a crucible for your own transformation and growth.
Whan you have that perspective something new arises, we’re able to grow individually and together.
Steven Vogue and Anastas Harris website is thetantraexperience.com
