Is Sexting digital adultery?

Recently blogger Rebecca Ammon argued that adultery is as common in modern relationships as breakups.

Sexting enthusiasts often use smart phones to flirt and to line up booty-calls, she writes. “Cybersex was the adultery of the ancients. Now our virtual flirting has become quicker, easier, and illustrated with digital pictures and videos.”

Pointing out she has not run off to copulate with any on her sexting list she asks whats the harm?

That got me thinking. Traditionalists fear that man will go off the rails if not give no controls. In practice, more tolerant people seem to enjoy happier families than the dogmatically religious.

Of course, people can be extremely spiritual and religious while not being dogmatic.

It just seems that sometimes we allow our need to assert our institutions and traditions over those of others.

I think there is great value in the power of religion to encourage people to seek and refine the soul.

Its just that 99% od us sink into a traditional void of self justification and ego driven self service – sometimes in the name of the religion we hold dear.

When any belief structure helps us to assess our priority of values and match them to serve the values of others then it can change the world.

But how can you do it?

When we are chasing as many dates as we can handle, we are hoping to find the one. When we settle with one, our mind easily admires the many.

We at once yearn for a unity of soul and fight disparate yearning.

To familiar we infatuate then, to different and we despise them.

Biology is real and so are the the disowned parts of the soul that comeback to haunt our souls ans our societies.

The balance is found in living by our own hierarchy of values while seeking to honor the values of those we hold dear.

It is madness to expect others to follow our own values if they cannot see how their own values will be met.

The question is how?

I invite you to check out this recording I have made available for you by John Demartini. Here Dr. Demartini shows how you can change the world – and your love life – by remaining true to your values.

(I hosted it off site since because of bandwidth challenges that will shortly be overcome. check it out here).

We are affected by many influences. We cannot deny the effect of biology on our morality. However, should we seek to go beyond and be even better than what lusts propel us toward?

Is religion a “sort of parasitic meme that exploits the existing architecture of the human mind” to quote Psychology Today or an adaptive strategy “inspiring group cohesiveness or helping us stay in line when we’re not sure whether anyone is watching.”

A recent study of 987 revealed you could predict if a person would have liberal views about drugs by simply asking whether sex without love is OK.

Asked about their personalities, sensitivities, and moral views, their religion, politics, and personality mattered less than what evolutionary psychologists call mating strategy.

Another study  “found the strongest predictors of attending church were those related to sexual and family values (opposition to infidelity, to premarital sex, to abortion, and the like). When we statistically controlled for the sexual and family value items, the links between religious attendance and the other moral values disappeared.”

Perhaps seeing a sexy girl in church might inspire a moment of religious devotion? The hillsong church in Australia has been accused of using lusciously attractive female to help stock its amply attended  Hillsong Church.

I am not a member and think the critics just have sour grapes – they need not worry.

Seeing a lot of highly attractive and available may make you profess more belief in God, states  the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.But not in the way you may have guessed.

According to the study “women professed more religious piety when they saw beautiful women; men were more likely to look to the heavens when they saw a lot of handsome men.”

Researchers Kurzban and DeScioli believe that “moral beliefs are not so much about trying to inspire me to do the right thing myself, as they are about trying to control your behavior in ways that support my reproductive goals.”

This fits research that conservative attitudes about sex and reproduction are at the heart of people’s participation in traditional religious groups.  Attitudes about sex and family are causes of religious attendance, and not just effects of religious training, according to Psychology Today.

Before you send me to hell for suggesting we should throw all religion into the garbage. Let it be clear I am not claiming knowledge for or against the divine.

I don’t need to know about foreknowledge or absolute truth to know that people do experience hunches, intuitions, and moments that are so often right when they look within.

I have simply began to learn to listen. This subconscious realm seems to better be able to computer multiple complex decisions.

We are complex beings, biology does – and must –influence our thinking. So does the human yearning to find a greater meaning.

Whether there is an energy body in the silence, I am sure seeking it can enhance compassion. However, society, including religion, puts detaches us from the inner realm.

History constantly reminds us that we attract people, lovers and children that manifest our soul disowned parts. So do societies.

The more we fight it the worse it gets. Rules may be needed -  it’s just that excessive rules always eventually give way and are followed by moments of excessive demands for freedoms.

On the flip side, unrestrained freedom eventually is found wanting and bankrupt. Like the dissatisfied child who never earned his way, the pleasure becomes meaningless.

This brings me back to Rebecca Ammon’s point about sexting.

Rebecca is right to say that cheating is nothing new. Trying to force my values will not change you – nor would you change me.

However, we are not an island; we all synergistically effect each other.

So I encourage you to consider how we can both meet our own value system in a way that empower s other s to live by theirs.

As history teaches us – the more I understand you, the more you are likely to become the person I admire around me.

I invite you to check John Demartins lecture here.