I remember the first time a lover reached out to touch me unexpectedly – I nearly jumped out of my skin. As a man, newly initiated to love, I needed to learn to relax. I needed to live in my body. I needed to learn the joys of touch.

You cannot change your life long touch patterns from a single blog,  However, let me suggest a five minute non threatening exerise to start you well on the way to touch intimacy and caring.

…. And all you need is your hands. ……….. and the hands of your lover.

Adapted from the work of Jack Canfield,  success in life and love require sentivity and awareness in our relationships.

Afterall, a relationship is felt and expressed through our

• Thoughts
• Emotions
• Imagination
• Intuition
• Body

Now, do you listen to your  body? Really?

Most of us are stuck in our heads and ignore the little signs and intuitive clues it gives us daily. It tells us of warnings and opportunities yet few of us ever listen.

Many of us ignore our bodies yet expect our bodies to be intimate and sensitive in the bedroom. How can we appreciate the sightest softest touch , when we spend our days in our heads?

It’s time to take a few, non threatening, baby steps.

Do you cherish your body? Do you nurture and care for it?

Nurture it so that you become sensitive to it.

In the fifth part of the exercise uses music and a remote control to switch on some nice musuc for a few minutes without opeing your eyes. You could have quiet music in the backgound for the whole exercise if it does not influence your emotions.

If you like fun dancing music you may need to have someon else turn the music on during the exercise or you may find it hard to concentrate. You want to minimise being disturbed.

Just Relax

Just relax, and place your chairs facing each other, knee to knee. Have your knees touching or an 8^th of an inch apart with nothing in your lap.

With knees still touching, close your eyes.

You will keep youe eyes closed for the whole exercise.

No talking is allowed – spontanous giggling, sighs of joy are fine. However words will start you thinking.

For this exercise we want to feel.

Take slow deep breaths and simply be aware of your body.

Self appreciation with touch

• T ake your right hand and reach across and hold your left hand.

With just the one hand each of you begon to touch the hand down to thewrist.

What does it feel like? Feel the texuire of the knuckles, the soft finger tips, the hard finger nails.

Now reverse the hands and let your left hand feel your right.  Is one hand more sensitive than another? Or is one hand ticklish and the other not?

Remember- you are still silent. There is no talking and your eyes are still closed.

• Lets nowchange your internal attitude from exploration to a feeling of appreciation. We rarely taketime to show our body appreciation.

How would you touch this hand if you were trying to tell your hand ‘ I appreciate you?’ Thankyou for allowing me to be able to write, or cook a meal or ………

Let each hand show appreciation for the other.

Remember no talking and your eyes are still closed.

Put your hands back in your lap.

Being supportive with touch

Imagine you are alone on a desert island and you reach out in front of you and to your surpise you disciover another hand.

Reach out and imagine you have just discovered another person and take both hands.

Without talking, and eyes still closed, how would you touch that person to assure them you would support them?

Restricting touch to wrist and hands only, try to tell theotherperson though touch:

You can count on me

I will support you.

I am safe

I won’t leave you, that you have thecourage to stay even when life is difficult?

Sharing boundaries with touch

It is when we begin to relax and feel safe that we begin to notice the things that irritate and annoy us.

How would you touch your partners hands to communicate you have issues you needed to deal with?

Let yourself have a little ‘hand’ fight and communicate you are strong and you won’t get pushed around. How would you communicate that?

After we have a fight and we forgive and are forgiven how would you let the otherperson know its safe to be vulnerable again?

How would you make up with your hands? How would you show them that you won’t push them away?

Being playful with touch

How would you express your playfulness?
How would you tell them you like to have fun and be silly?
How would you play like atwo year old without inhibitions?

The Dance of touch love

Turn on the music, eyes still closed, or listen to the music that is still quietly playing in the background.

Keeping your eyes closed let your nands dance together to the music.

Create a  dance where both are leading and following at the same time and justflow with the music for about a minute.

Saying good bye with touch

Now for the next twenty seconds imagine try ans  communicate how you are feeling.

Now it’s time to say good bye.

How would you communicate though touch that its is time to leave until another time?

Then slowly say good bye

Eyes still closed, go back into yourself and notice how you are feeling.

Is there one word that describes how you feel?

One at a time speak that word aloud.

You created that feeling in your own mind.

In your mind fill in theblanks to the followingsentnce;

“I created the experienced of ……………………….. by ………………..”

Forexample:

“I created the experienced of joy give and take.”

“I created the experienced of sensitivity by being willing to trust”

“I created the experienced of contentment by being willing to be open.”

Now share this sentence with yourpartner and spend some time discussing your experience of the exercise.

You are responsible for your feelings

If you can create a feeling by touching each others hands then you can create that feeling in love and life.

You do not need to experience something to generate a feeling.

You are responsible for your own feelings.

Rather than being happy when you find theperfect lover, we can experience the joy of love first – be a loving person – and attract the love of your life.

Or if you have a partner, you wil find your partner will be more loving, joyful and kind you are first.

Tantric and Taoist sexuality awakens a spiritual energy that can thrill every fibre of your being with time stilling ecstatic passion, colour and vibrancy far beyond a few short moments of eruption.

Learning to be responsible for your pleasure you are able to give to your lover from a position of power.

Every touch is a delicious creamery of rainbows shimmering through your entire body.

The goal of Taoist lovemaking is to share the power of the male and female, yin and yang, energy centers. to be truly intimate you must live in the present so as to fully cultivate a soul level connection touch with your lover.

It does not matter, whether you believe sexual and spiritual energy are manifestations of the same life force energy, enhanced by weaving in Sanskrit) the spiritual, universal and psychological worlds, as Tantra teches.

Or you simply want to refine your ability to bond with your lover .

Learning to be fully centered in your love increasing your touch sensitivity will “sharpen your weapon” help you  use your internal energy to rouse you to passion, build your sexual energy charge.

Look out for our next post in the series when we examine how knowing and sharing your values can skyrocket your sexual chemistry.

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