Rape fantasies are more common than we might want to admit, states Michael Castleman in Psychology Today.

But why fantasize about something that in real life would be traumatic, scarring and possibly life threatening?

Well should it really surprise us? Afterall, men daydream about getting a girl by rescuing her from a danger without any wish to confront armed thugs, or be trapped in a fire on the 23rd floor.

We can safely play with the limits of our imagination without feeling defiled or experiencing harm.

“But rape fantasies raise thorny issues. Many women who have them can’t shake the feeling that they are abnormal or perverted” writes Castleman.

The nine studies from 1973 to 2008 found about four in 10 women admit having rape fantasies (31 to 57 percent) with a median frequency of about once a month.

The actual prevalence of rape fantasies may be higher because women may not feel comfortable admitting them claims Castleman.

In 2009  Jenny Bivona and Joseph Critelli asked 355 college women: How often have you fantasized being overpowered/forced/raped by a man/woman to have oral/vaginal/anal sex against your will?

Sixty-two percent said they’d had at least one such fantasy. The answers varied depended on whether they were asked if they were “overpowered by a man,” (52 percent said yes – suggesting a romance novel fantasy) but use the term “rape,” and the answer drops to 32 percent.

The study “The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents,” was published in the Journal of Sex Research (2009) 46:33).

Thirty-eight percent of respondents never had rape fantasies. Of those who did, 25 percent reported having them less than once a year. Thirteen percent had them a few times a year, 11 percent once a month, 8 percent once a week, and 5 percent several times a week.

Twenty-one percent of those surveyed said they’d been sexually assaulted in real life.

Rape fantasies can be either erotic or aversive, states Castleman. In erotic fantasies, the woman thinks: “I’m being forced and I enjoy it.” In aversive fantasies, she thinks: “I’m being forced and I hate it.”

In the 2009 study forty-five-percent of the women had fantasies that were entirely erotic, nine percent were entirely aversive and 46 percent mixed.

So what do rape fantasies mean?

Rape or near-rape fantasies are a perennial best-selling categories in fiction said Castleman. Often called “bodice-rippers” they may have titles like Love’s Sweet Savage Fury, which imply at least some degree of force.

“In them, a handsome cad becomes so overwhelmed by his attraction to the heroine that he loses all control and must have her, even if she refuses–which she does initially, but then eventually melts into submission, desire, and ultimately fulfillment” writes Castleman.

“Romance novels are often called “porn for women.” Porn is all about sexual fantasies, he said.

Male porn is  bout an over abundance of sexual abundance  with eager women free of interest in a relationship.

“In porn for women as depicted in romance novels, the fantasy is to be desired so much that the man loses all control, though he never actually hurts the woman, and in the end, marries her” he said.

However, rape fantasies just happen, to somewhere around half of women.

“They are neither wrong nor perverted. They imply nothing about one’s mental health or real-life sexual inclinations” said Castleman.

“I can’t tell you how to feel. But I can assure you that you are not alone. Rape or near-rape fantasies are surprisingly common.”

Hutsons article asks if these fantasies should entertained

“At one level, they pose little problem because they represent a highly normative part of female sexual fantasy,”answers Kahrin hutsons article, “many women have them, and most of these woman easily distinguish between reality and fantasy.”

“But in some cases it may recapitulate forgotten abuse that hasn’t been processed properly, or it may reflect masochistic tendencies. A woman should see a professional if she’s troubled by her fantasies” he said.

Should women share their rape fantasies with their partners?

“Obviously, a loving, committed, sympathetic man would respond delicately and sensitively to such news,” Kahr said, “but a more sadistic partner (with conscious or unconscious sadism towards a woman)” might use the information more destructively. “One must proceed cautiously.”

So while Penthouse editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, is quoted by  Hutson as saying acting out a rape fantasy is not unhealthy per se stating  “ahe end of the day, the woman has control over it, and it can be hot to give yourself over completely to someone within that context knowing that you can trust them.”

However, studies showthat men are slower to recognize words associated with dominance (coerce, fierce, etc.) if they’ve been primed with sex-related words (climax, oral, etc.)

Pretending to rape someone, Rachel says, is “a lot of responsibility to assume, and if you’re dealing with a woman who does have a history of sexual abuse in her past, it’s extra thorny.”